I was gathering my things to go to a work appointment and had the Today Show on for company, when my ears caught a story about 're-homing'. It was a good thing everyone had left because I stood there in front of the TV with my mouth hanging open!!! It was the story of Anna Barnes, who was adopted in Russia and brought to the US when she was 7; this was her second 're-homing'. Now her second set of parents, Gary & Lisa Barnes, regret adopting her; they feel they were not told about her emotional & behavioral problems that she brought from Russia. You gotta love this analogy: from her dad -- “This is a bad analogy, but it’s sort of like selling a used car,” Gary Barnes says of why he and his wife weren’t told more. “If you tell someone it breaks down every day, nobody’s going to buy it.” At least he admits it is a bad analogy BUT STILL!!!! For them, counseling was too expensive and inconvenient - really!! Ever think of asking a clergy member, or a school psychologist, or a doctor for help??? A home for troubled kids said she was not a good fit. They spent ONE, OH BOY - ONE year trying to fix the problem, they figured 'they needed to get away from it'.
So they decided to give Anna to a couple they met in a Yahoo chat room/forum, Respite - Rehoming, who came forth and it was decided that Anna would go with them. This couple made up a home study, even with a social worker's name on it. This new 'family' took Anna to a dilapidated trailer with urine & feces on the floor, puppies left inside, and pictures of 2 other children who had 'died'. Plus this location was in another state and since this can be an underground network, there is little prosecution. Hope that changes.
After Anna ran into her adopted father, Gary brought Anna back because he knew something was not right about these people (just these people????). Anna is now living with friends.
What do people think?? These kids know that they have been abandoned by their biological family; they have been abandoned by another adoptive family. It is a defense mechanism to try and make people not like you, to see what they will do, to see if they will stick by you. These kids have little self-esteem, in their eyes - no one cares, they will only get moved around again so why attach themselves to a family.
A little ranting here -- COME ON PEOPLE!! Being the mom of 2 adopted boys from here in the states, through the local state agency, no one is perfect. These 2 boys came with their own sets of issues and to this day, can give us a run for our money, for different reasons. For a few years in high school, it felt like our oldest was on the edge to do just about anything - constantly acting out and defying rules, making bad choices. The middle guy tries our patience with his constant repetition of questions, statements, listening to the same music or videos or pieces of those things, not caring about personal hygiene. We knew almost nothing about their biological families and to this day, don't know much. BUT THEY ARE OURS. Legally according to the state (even tho I have been reminded, when the oldest is mad at me, that I am not his real mom), I tell him 'you're right! But in the eyes of the law I am. I am responsible for you.'. We love these guys like our own. When introduced, they are our sons, not adopted sons.
Do these people feel that biological children are better?? I have heard stories that would say otherwise -- kids are kids are kids and teenagers will make you want to pull your hair out and have sleepless nights. Were the Barnes' wonderful, angelic teens?? I just can't believe these people had the guts to face the public with this. Get this - If they turned Anna over to the state of Texas, the Barneses say they were told, they would be considered unfit parents and have to pay child support until she turned 18. OH TOO BAD!!! You accepted the responsibility, take care of the children. How much of a throwaway society are we???
To read the article and watch the video, go here.
Sharing information & services we use for our special needs child, Will, and our elderly parents. Exploring more services & inviting others to share their stories with us.
Tuesday, September 10, 2013
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4 Signs of Caregiving Stress Overload
ElderCarelink email posts 4 signs that should not be overlooked by you, the caregiver, or a close family member or friend. They report that even though the immediate caregiver may not be helping in direct care, the mind is never far from the needs of the older person, thinking about meals, falling, medications. Take the opinion of a family member or friend if they are telling you that you are stressed. Four signs: you skip your own physicals; you isolate yourself from others; you eat and/or drink too much for good health; you are short tempered with the elder, your spouse or your children. If any or all of these sound familiar, take a break no matter how short in order to recharge. For more information on caregiver stress see ElderCarelink
Ranting
You can check out my ranting and stream of consciousness writing about looking at adult service providers with Will.
A Caregiver's Poem
I was looking through a 'Caregiver's Blog: Senior Care Support' and came across a poem that was shared by a writer, Dana, from the blog. The poem was written by Becky Netherland and Dana's grandmother shared it with her. I thought it was great and there is not much to say about it - just read!!! Enjoy!!
(picture from Caregivers Blog)
I’ve traveled paths you’ve yet to walk
Learned lessons old and new
And now this wisdom of my life
I’m blessed to share with you
Let kindness spread like sunshine
Embrace those who are sad
Respect their dignity, give them joy
And leave them feeling glad
Forgive those who might hurt you
And though you have your pride
Listen closely to their viewpoint
Try to see the other side
Walk softly when you’re angry
Try not to take offense
Invoke your sense of humor
Laughter’s power is immense!
Express what you are feeling
Your beliefs you should uphold
Don’t shy away from what is right
Be courageous and be bold
Keep hope right in your pocket
It will guide you day by day
Take it out when it is needed
When it’s near, you’ll find a way
Remember friends and family
Of which you are a precious part
Love deeply and love truly
Give freely from your heart
The world is far from perfect
There’s conflict and there’s strife
But you still can make a difference
By how you live your life
And so I’m very blessed to know
The wonders you will do
Because you are my granddaughter
And I believe in you.
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