SSI vs SSDI - Trying to figure it all out!

(picture from SSA) There was a meeting not to long ago regarding work and SSI & SSDI payments. Since Will collects SSI and is in a day program that tries to find jobs for their clients, like Will, I thought it would be good to attend. They started off by stating that a lot of people collecting do not like to try to work because they feel that they will lose their monthly payments and cannot survive on a part time income. The meeting was to dismiss those thoughts and explain how the two work together. The following a a quick overview - there is a lot to this so please check in with you local office for further information.

First of all let's find out what the difference is between the two. As the Social Security Administration states, SSI (Supplemental Security Income) is 'a program pays benefits to disabled adults and children who have limited income and resources. SSI benefits also are payable to people 65 and older without disabilities who meet the financial limits. People who have worked long enough may also be able to receive Social Security disability or retirement benefits as well as SSI'. SSDI pays benefits to you and certain members of your family if you are "insured," meaning that you worked long enough and paid Social Security taxes. You have to apply to the Social Security Administration for both - check with your child's social worker or teacher to see if there is someone in the system who can help you do this. As Will went through the transition process in high school we were given a social worker who helped us do the forms. Monthly income gets determined through this process. Find out also, as an aside, if you also get medical benefits with the plan, like Medicare or Medicaid.

Some of the myths of what holds people back from working: it will cause my SSI payments to stop - payments may be reduced or suspended but many people continue to receive payments while working. SSA uses a formula to calculate earnings and more than half of person's gross monthly wages are excluded from calculation. There are two exclusions = SSA does not count the first $20 of a person's monthly unearned income - the balance is deducted from earned income. SSA does not count $65 of a person's earned income and half of any remaining income. There is another exclusion if needed - Impairment Related Work Expenses which covers the cost of items and services that are related to your impairment and need for work if you pay for these out-of-pocket and not reimbursed another way. These have to be approved by SSA.

As the meeting went on, the coordinator gave us examples of what happens with income as people find jobs. The following information is from our state, check with your office for your calculations but at least you will have an example. Here is an example of how SSI might work: let's say "Michaela' gets her maximum SSI payment of $733.00 plus from the federal government plus her state $39.92 = $772.92 for the month. Now she gets a job at a local store and earns $800.00 gross for the month. You take the $800.00 minus $85.00 (general and earned income exclusions) = $715.00. You divide this by 2 (2nd part of the earned income exclusion) = $357.50 of countable earned income. Now take her original $733.00 (from the government) plus the $357.50 plus $39.92 (state) plus $800.00 (gross wages) = $1215.42 total income for the month. So instead of just getting $772.92 for the month, 'Michaela' can earn $1215.42, a difference of $442.50 - that she can pocket. There are other deductions that can be taken too: the Impairment Related Work Expenses mentioned above and Blind Related Work Expenses which can cover transportation, service animal expenses, etc.


SSDI is a little different since this allows for trial work periods - 9 months, substantial gainful activity - significant physical or mental work of both & work done for pay or profit, and 36 months after the Trial Work Period comes the Extended Period of Eligibility - which is a safety net for your SSDI payments.


Talk to your local SSA office or social worker to discuss which is the better way to go. They can help you figure how each will impact you financially. This is just a quick overview so please take the time to speak with an SSA staff person or social worker.

End of the year

As the year closes, I look back not knowing where the time went. Even though I have not been posting as I want (many times 'life' has gotten me side-tracked), I try to keep in mind what we have been going through with those in our lives who need the help. Willie has gotten accustomed to his program, enjoying the time out in the community be it

shopping, lunches, movies, whatever. We have been through another SIS (Support Intensity Scale) evaluation (see 'Getting Closer to 21' ) and then a yearly evaluation at his center. We have had meetings regarding his community support person (the person who takes him out after his day program - out for walks, shopping, haircuts, snacks, etc). His wanting to experience more of a work environment hasn't come as quickly as I had hoped but the staff at his program continues to get him to do a variety of tasks there hoping something will pop out as a good fit. Personally I think he should be a professional traveler who critiques hamburgers and pizza wherever he goes!


On the elderly parents care front, this year we lost a couple of family members. My uncle, 77 who I wrote about in 'Having lunch with an uncle', passed this summer after a 7 year battle with cancer. My father-in-law, 94 who I also posted about in 'Heart, kidney, & liver problems', died in the late summer from kidney and liver failure. Both declined quickly but we were able to say our good-bys. Now we have my mother-in-law, 93, who my husband and his siblings are taking care of. Although they use one local agency, Child and Family Services, they are trying to take advantage of their many services. This I hope to explore more of and share with you soon. While you would think that lining up services to help take care of her since she still is in her own home (with a family member living there) would take up most of the time, it seems that dealing with behaviors is what takes the most time. She misses her husband so some of it may be dealing with grief but other times it is the forgetfulness, the repeating questions about events coming up, who came to visit, or unfortunately thinking that people are stealing from her that has everyone questioning her state of mind.


So we enter the new year trying to get a psychological evaluation done and her primary care physician (PCP) has prescribed some medication to level her moods off. I had a geriatric psych evaluation done on my mother a few years ago while she was in the hospital and it was good to know where she stood mentally so we would know how to handle things. I hope to keep people in the know with the services decided upon and information that have.



For now a Happy New Year to all. Also one full of health and peace!

Is the bathroom safe for your parents or special needs child?

A lot of safety issues for one group of individuals can carry over into another. Sometimes taking care of a special needs child or young adult is like taking care of your elderly parents or visa versa. I read a post regarding the bathroom being safe. My in-laws just had the same contractor that took care of cutting out mom's tub, to make it easier to get in and out of, do their tub.

The post was from Caring.com . It made some good points that we don't always think of so I thought I would share them.

*Be careful of water on the floor. They mention that having a shatterproof door is better than a curtain to help prevent a fall. Also use some type of tiles that feet can grip or decals that make the tub/shower floor not so slippery.


Since a lot of use a variety of soaps, shampoos, moisturizers, etc, the tub/shower floor can get slippery. So make sure someone wipes down the shower or tub with a wash cloth when the person is done. Of course, grab bars are a great addition to the bath.


Try to reduce glare. White seems to be a popular color for the bath but with all the lightening, including natural sunlight, there may be too much light making it hard for elderly or disabled people to see properly and lose their balance. Caring.com suggests using frosted lights, use a row of contrasting tiles or wallpaper borders. Of course, someone can always paint the walls a different color. Get a seat for the shower so the person can sit. This goes along with a hand shower nozzle that can be used at any level to help wash up.


During the colder months, people may be tempted to use space heaters and take one into the bathroom. Dangerous - someone may lose their balance and fall into one causing burns; or papers or towels may land on it possibly causing a fire. So of course you can call a professional to check the heating system in the bathroom; you can run the shower for a few minutes before the person gets in to steam up the bath; put the towels in the dryer so they are warm when the person gets out.


Back to the shower door again, try not to use it for balance. Install grab bars in the shower and don't place towel racks near the door either. People tend to use those for balance too and it can stress the shower door. Every so often check the shower door for cracks, chips, or glass rubbing against metal.

If a door or window does break, place a towel over the glass on the floor so it makes it safer to get out.

New Years Resolutions for Caregivers

A very Happy New Year to all! I have been off the grid for a while - again 'life' happened and I was side-tracked. One of my New Year Resolutions is to get back to posting. Thanks to all who seem to continue checking in with the blogs and thanks to some new people who joined/decided to follow. While we all make personal resolutions, which is a good thing, one thing to think about is making caregiving ones too. Whether it is to check on some family member or friend more often, pitch in some more to help, make changes to a home to make it safer for an elderly parent(s), now is a good time to start thinking.

Right now my husband and his brother and sisters are working to help their parents stay at home one way by trying to get them more organized: from a large desk sized calender to use for any appointments or calls to be made, to seeing if there is a way to get an apartment sized washer/dryer on their first floor, and hiring someone to do a 'cut out' in their bathtub, to make it more of a walk-in shower. This we did for my mother in her place. It was less expensive and invasive than taking out her tub/shower and putting in a walk-in. While we can all include grab bars and mats and ramps in our lists, Caring.com suggests 7 designs to help people 'live in their house forever'. They talk about 'universal design', products and features for use of anyone regardless of their physical limits. These came from the Center for Universal Design at North Carolina State University which is a resource for useful designs for anyone of any age or ability or disability.
* Design that is equally appealing to all users: "wherever possible, universal design creates spaces that can be used by everyone equally and that are appealing to all. UD doesn't stigmatize any one group of users -- like those obvious wheelchair ramps tacked onto the fronts of older homes."
For example - a no-step entry, a lever-handed front door (no knob), mirrors placed where you can be seen in them sitting or standing, no changes in floor levels.
* Flexible use: accomodates for left and right handed people and a variety of uses. Have at least one bedroom and one bathroom on the main floor (even if it starts out as a playroom or storage room), possibly a laundry area too. Use paddle handled handles in the sinks, a small rolling cart to use, pull out boards in different spots in the kitchen to help with cutting (if possible put them at different heights to accomodate someone standing or sitting), pocket doors to use less space.

* Simple and intuitive use: things that are easy to figure out. D-shaped drawers, smart shower handles, install lazy susans in areas that are hard to reach, use adjustable shelving.
* Presents essential information clearly: information can be easily received through sensory, tactile, or pictoral means. Keyless locks that use a remote control or pad, appliance controls that use words as well a pictures (like blue for cold, red for hot), a circuit breaker on the main floor that is clearly marked, smoke detectors and carbon monoxide alarms should verbalize the situation as well a show an alarm.
*Allow for user errors: install grab bars, handrails, there are also curbless showers, floors made of non-slip materials, rugs that are low-pile and tightly woven like Berber, spring loaded switch for garbage disposals that has to be held so no hands or forks get in there, contrasting edge on counters for those with visual problems - these corners should also be rounded.

* Requires low physical effort: you should not have to contort yourself or use alot of effort. Use a rocket panel light switch, switches and controls are placed at easy to reach heights like 42 - 48 inches from the floor, thermostats should be installed 48 inches from the floor, electrical outlets and phone jacks - 18 to 24 inches off the floor, mount kitchen outlets and garbage disposal controls on the counters, use raised front loading washers and dryers.
* Appropriate size and space use regardless of body size or mobility. No matter what your size or posture or mobility or intellect you should be able to use the area and equipment. Open floor plan with 5 1/2 foot halls, a variety of work surface heights, fold back doors under a cooking island for those in a wheelchair or step stool, wall mounted sink (drain at the back) with open space below for those in wheelchairs, raised or adjustable toilet seats, a moulded seat in the shower stall.
I am sure if you go through someone's house you can come up with different ideas to make the space more useful to those inside. Get creative.

Having Lunch with an Uncle and a New Term.

I finally had lunch with my uncle, who also happens to be the last one I have. He has been struggling with cancer and its treatments for several years now. He happened to mention that his chemo treatments affect his brain. My cousin explained it as "chemo brain". He confesses to not being able to find the right words he wants to say or remember things.

According the MayoClinic, it can also be called 'chemo fog' and is a condition that affects cognitive impairment or dysfunction. They also state that it is not solely a side effect of chemotherapy.


Here are some of the symptoms the clinic mentions: short attention span, difficulty learning something new, difficulty multitasking, fatigue, confusion -- and the list goes on. There may be other causes for this: hormone treatments, fatigue, anemia, depression, medication, and other factors.


The clinic mentions risk factors that increase this memory issue with cancer survivors: •Brain cancer, •Chemotherapy given directly to the central nervous system, •Chemotherapy combined with whole-brain radiation, •Higher doses of chemotherapy or radiation, •Radiation therapy to the brain, •Younger age at time of cancer diagnosis and treatment. You can choose to discuss these issues with your doctor - if so keep a diary of when these memory lapses happen, what medication you are taking, and write down your questions when you think of them. Best to bring a person with you when you go to help you with the information.


Whether your doctor will prescribe anything or not, there are ways to train your brain. 1 - Repetitive exercises to train your brain. 2 - Tracking and understanding what influences memory problems. 3 - Learning coping strategies. 4 - Stress-relief techniques. Plus they suggest lifestyle and home remedies: •Control what you can about your working environment. *Prepare yourself for success. *Stay organized. *Clear your mind of distractions. *Take frequent breaks. *Exercise your Exercise your brain. *Exercise your body. There may be alternative medicines to take but always check with your doctor first. Lastly don't be afraid to talk to people about this problem. We all have memory issues from time to time. Get help from a support group. You don't have to go it alone.

Realizing the Men are Caregivers too.

(picture from Columbia magazine).

My in-laws have their other children and spouses, as well as Frank (and myself when asked), helping them with daily living needs and taking them to doctor appointments. Frank is also overseeing their finances. This seemed to stand out even more when I came across an article in the Knight of Columbus magazine, Columbia July 2014, titled 'Sandwich Generation'. Author Brian Caulfield writes that he shares the caregiving of his parents with 2 brothers. Being a dad and husband himself as well, he asks how much his efforts helps either family.


Many baby boomers find themselves in the same situation also juggling work demands. One big point he makes, is that this situation is a blessing, although many days it seems like a chore. A blessing when it comes to it being a good place for all involved -

* it keeps us away from all our electronics and mindless diversions we have;
* that we are needed can be a double edged sword: it may boost our self-image and confidence but it keeps us humble as we realize we cannot change the aging process;
* we face dignity of people as our parent struggle with possibly having to ask for help with toileting needs
* our mom still want to take care of others while not being able to take care of herself;
* at home, we see our families stepping in to make the most of us being away.



As Brian writes, "We are weighed down by the struggle and the work and the hope we pit against the stubborn fact of physical decline and death. But we are also saved from our natural presumption of good health. Watching our parents age and weaken keeps us close to our own mortality, and if we are wise, we stay mindful of the four last things: death, judgment, heaven and hell. I was privileged to be present when my dad received the sacrament of anointing and witnessed the real emotional, spiritual and even physical renewal that ensued. When I told my sons of this experience, they were sad that granddad almost died, but they were also drawn more deeply into the faith that reaches beyond the grave".



Caring.com has an article, "The Male Caregiver" by Dave Singleton. Dave writes that it is harder for men especially when it comes to being the caretaker of the parent of the opposite sex. His mom found it hard to get use to him helping with her personal needs but sees it as love helping with her needs and keeping her privacy and dignity as best can. His article also states that " A 2012 analysis by the Pew Research Center's Internet and American Life Project found that men represent 45 percent of all family caregivers. And the Alzheimer's Association reported that between 1996 and 2011, the percentage of men caring for a family member with Alzheimer's disease or other dementia more than doubled, from 19 to 40 percent".



The article cites several reasons for the change: more women are in the workforce so men have to step in, many families have children living out-of-state so if there is a male child close by he becomes the caregiver, more employers are letting their male employees take time off to stay home. Not to overlook is the fact that men have the same health issues to deal with as women, so they need to remember to take care of themselves such as high blood pressure/hypertension, arthritis, and high cholesterol. These are the three most widely experienced physical maladies, while nearly a quarter of respondents suffer from depression. Not to forget financial burdens; Caring.com shows that in the past year 40% of male caregivers spent over $5000.00 on caregiving expenses.



Caring.com goes on to offer 3 tips for the men:



*Educate yourself. Learn as much as you can about the care recipient's diseases and/or disabilities. "Talk to the doctor, a social worker, or a geriatric care manager," says Trina Sauceda, one of the founders of The Let's Group, a website focused on aging and caregiving. "Ask questions of healthcare workers. Discuss issues and find out what works for the care recipient and you. Inquire about outside services that can provide assistance or support."



Share your experiences and get support. Typically, men don't talk about caregiving stress, but not sharing what's really going on is a stress unto itself. "Acknowledge your emotions, because you are not a robot, you are a human being," says Harrison. "Be honest with yourself. You can't do it all. Know that stress, anger, and frustration are common feelings among caregivers. Take care of your health, too." Caregiving is a lonely job for all, but especially so when you look around and don't see members of your tribe. Explore the growing number of support groups for male caregivers.



Lead with and value your strengths. Everyone brings their own abilities to the fore with caregiving and, while skills may be different, they are equally important. If managing finances and creating schedules for doctor appointments and medications comes more easily to you, focus on those and get help, if you can, for other, more daunting aspects of caregiving. "Just because a man is managing Mom's finances instead of giving her a bath doesn't mean he isn't caregiving," says Tucker. "Men have always been nurturers, but not always in the same ways as women. If you're always looking for solutions, then use your typical 'fixer' predisposition to its full advantage and find solutions with professionals."

More interventions and issues to address when dealing with Alzheimer's.

I received my latest copy of 'Healthy Living' from Sams Club. There was an informative article titled "Answering the Challenge of Alzheimer's Disease" by Michele Mongillo. There is so much information out there that it sometimes gets confusing, overwhelming, overloading. This particular article struck me as being informative because it hit upon a few things that I don't remember seeing in other places.

As stated in other articles, we are reminded that Alzheimer's shows itself in behavioral difficulties as well as in medical conditions. Some of the behaviors may be repetitive motions, outbursts, physical aggression and it is best to remember that these actions are not intentional. Also coming into play with this behavior is pain, poor sleep, hunger, thirst, feeling lost or not belonging. Michelle lists a few key interventions for caregivers:



•Always stay calm, talk softly and slowly.
•​Attempt to turn repetitive motions into an activity. If the loved one is repeatedly folding a napkin, provide a small basket of washcloths or clothing items to fold.
•Try to determine if the person is having some type of pain. They may not be able to communicate this to the caregiver.
•Avoid overcrowded situations, increased activity and even multiple people in the home, as they can be overwhelming and confusing for a person with dementia.
•Don’t argue with the loved one; rather, try to validate their feelings and get them engaged in some type of activity.
•Simplify daily tasks. If the person is calmer in the morning, then schedule appointments/errands during those hours.

See the rest of the story on "care 4 elderly parents".

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The World Helping a Grieving Father.

From Life News:
Sophia Steffel was born on May 3rd and lived only 6 weeks. She died July 10 from complications from a liver tumor. Nathen, dad, went on Reddit asking for help. He stated that her short life never allowed him to take a photo of Sophia without her tubes and he was looking for help from anyone to Photoshop the tubes out of a picture he had taken.


The post received almost 3,000 replies many with photos. Take a look at how some helped dad see his daughter as I'm sure he would rather remember her.

Retired folks helping caregivers at a New York hospital.

(picture from Yahoo News)
A hospital in New York has started training retirees to help support caregivers whose family member is hospitalized. Caregivers can be overwhelmed in any situation but when a loved one is in the hospital and you can't get information or don't know who to turn to for help, it can be too much. So Montefiore Caregiver Support Center trains retirees to listen, show support, show family members where to get information, etc. They are not there to take the place of a social worker or nurse. They are there for support - even if it is only to find a quiet place for the caregiver to sit. All in all, the program wants caregivers to be better prepared for when the loved one goes home as well as better rested and reassured in their resources. In this program they are called volunteer coaches who "with no background in health care undergo training to support caregivers in hopes that families will let their guard down with a peer. They make daily rounds through Montefiore's waiting rooms and nursing stations to offer the services of the support center, where families can talk with a coach or a social worker, research caregiver resources online, or just relax in a quiet room. Montefiore put its 21 volunteers through a training course that stresses those boundaries, teaches nonjudgmental listening and lets them role-play difficult situations. The support services don't expire when the patient goes home (from Randi Kaplan, social worker). Caregivers still can call or come in indefinitely, but there are no home visits." While the article states that there are no statistics to see if this helps, they are working on an 'pilot study' on whether chemo patients stick better to their program when their caregiver is coached in providing support. All in all, a good program for any medical center as far as I am concerned.

A beautiful sentiment for a heartfelt end.

(picture from LifeNews.com)
A situation we hope never happens but does. A new life families are waiting for. Something happens and the little one is born premature and does not live or is stillborn. Families grieve. On top of that the family has to worry about a burial outfit for a tiny body.
NICU Helping Hands in Fort Worth, Texas was founded by Lisa Grubbs who went on to create 'Angel Gowns'. These are made by volunteers who use donated wedding gowns to make these little burial outfits. They say one gown can make 12 baby gowns.

(picture from LifeNews.com)

According to the post: "There’s something hopeful about that start of life, about a wedding, and to me, it’s that full circle. This child who is so loved by its parents, being wrapped in love by a bride". According to Grubbs, "often times, babies would simply be wrapped in a towel or blanket, but with the donated gowns, the parents are able to give their babies something special to show how much he or she is loved." In fact, one of the seamstresses, LaJean Sturman who lost her infant son 30 years ago (and does this in memory of him), expressed that "if she had received such a gown for her son, it would have meant everything to her. She says she would have felt like she was saying goodbye to him in a special outfit, rather than one that was ordinary and perhaps didn’t properly fit him".
The NICU Helping Hands is a non-profit organization helping families whose baby has been hospitalized. Their services include parent support and education, sibling support, hospital to home preparation, memory archiving, antepartum support, transport support, bereavement, and baby gowns.
As Lisa Grubbs mom (who is also a seamstress helping with the gowns) says, "I’ll never know the baby, mother or dad, but I hope they know some sense of love and caring that went into the gown. My prayer is that none of these ever have to be used". Amen to that!

Elderly parents need caregivers to protect them against telephone scams.

The third Weekday Mixer was a great success! We had 72 blogs linked up and numerous social media link-ups! We hope that you all had the opportunity to mix and mingle and make some awesome new buddies!

 

 Welcome the 4th week of The Weekday Mixer Social Media Link-Up! As you know, it is a brand new social media link-up for all to join! This mixer is all about networking and making connections. Also, you can gain exposure and increase your social media following! Link up your social media accounts and mix it up with some of the other linkers.




Each week, the Weekday Mixer will start on Sunday nights at 8:00pm and go on until Friday night at 11:59pm. One linker will be chosen each week and featured in the following week's link-up! If chosen, you can provide a brief summary about yourself and your blog/website and all of your social media accounts will be listed. It's a great way to stand out among the crowd! 

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Hello! My name is Lindsay. I am mom to Landen and Gabrielle, wife to Matt and blogger at www.mycreativedays.com. I love to be creative in my day, my home and with my kids. I am obsessed with old wood, rusty treasures and everything in between. Finding frugal and creative ways to decorate our home, create a fabulous craft or do an activity with the kids is a passion of mine. I am a firm believer that you don’t have to break the bank to have pretty things around you. With some creativity and a little elbow grease, anything is possible!

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(picture from Clipart) Oh that all familiar sound, especially at dinner time! We all get it, most of us avoid it. Deep down inside, all of us know it is just someone doing their job - calling to see if we need something or want to donate to some charity, lower our mortgage, get a better credit card rate, the list goes on. Unfortunately though, not all callers are legit. The news in our area has been ripe with telephone scams, mostly aimed at the elderly. So what can you do to help your parents?
Sometimes the elderly will answer a call and keep talking because the other person is 'nice' and they don't want to be rude. Mom would do this sometimes. Unfortunately, the longer they talk, the better chance the caller has to get your elderly parent involved in their 'deal'.
'Fraud.org' has a webpage to help you educate your parent on what to look for in a call, to determine if it is fraudulent. One is to remind them that not everyone is just trying to make a living - there are actually people out there trying to take their money, that free prizes or gifts are not always available, easy money is not easy. Here are what they consider to be the red flags:
•A promise that you can win money, make money, or borrow money easily;
•A demand that you act immediately or else miss out on this great opportunity;
•A refusal to send you written information before you agree to buy or donate;
•An attempt to scare you into buying something;
•Insistence that you wire money or have a courier pick up your payment; and
•A refusal to stop calling after you’ve asked not to be called again.
Seniors should also be reminded that:
•It’s illegal for companies that operate contests or sweepstakes to ask you to pay to enter or claim your prize or even to suggest that your chances of winning will improve if you buy something;
•It’s illegal for telemarketers to ask for a fee upfront to help you get a loan if they guarantee or strongly imply that the loans will be made;
•There is no reason to give your credit card number or bank account number to a telemarketer unless you are actually making a payment with that account; and,
•If you have to pay first before getting detailed information about the offer, it’s probably a scam.
Check mom and dad to make sure that they do not:
•Receive lots of mail for contests, "free trips," prizes, and sweepstakes;
•Get frequent calls from strangers offering great deals or asking for charitable contributions;
•Make repeated and/or large payments to companies in other states or countries;
•Have difficulty buying groceries and paying utility and other bills;
•Subscribe to more magazines than anyone could normally read;
•Receive lots of cheap items such as costume jewelry, beauty products, water filters, and knick knacks that they bought to win something or received as prizes;
•Get calls from organizations offering to recover, for a fee, money they have lost to fraudulent telemarketers.

What to do to help? Put their number on a do not call list and do the same for their cell phone number. Check their bank and credit card statements. Screen calls. Learn how to hang up.
Robocalls are similar; these are recorded messages, usually shows 'unknown' for a number if you have Caller ID or 'spoofed'. Of course, these are easier for people to hang up on. 'SeniorSavvy.org' also suggests registering your phone number with the National Do Not Call Registry @ 888-382-1222. Do not press any numbers prompted, even to disconnect, since that will tell them that this is a good number and they will continue to call. You can also check with Nomorobo to see if they can help you get their number off the list. If your parents seem to get a lot of calls, someone can keep track of those calls with a form from 'Fraud.org' - that way if you need to pursue some type of action, you will have a record. Click here for the form.

Having a talk with the parents about them getting older.

The second Weekday Mixer was a great success! We had 62 blogs linked up and numerous social media link-ups! We hope that you all had the opportunity to mix and mingle and make some awesome new buddies!

 

Welcome the 3rd week of The Weekday Mixer Social Media Link-Up! As you know, it is a brand new social media link-up for all to join! This mixer is all about networking and making connections. Also, you can gain exposure and increase your social media following! Link up your social media accounts and mix it up with some of the other linkers.




Each week, the Weekday Mixer will start on Sunday nights at 8:00pm and go on until Friday night at 11:59pm. One linker will be chosen each week and featured in the following week's link-up! If chosen, you can provide a brief summary about yourself and your blog/website and all of your social media accounts will be listed. It's a great way to stand out among the crowd!

Now meet this week's featured blogger...

 

 

Welcome to my blog!

"ShuGar" is a nickname my hubs and I use, which combines the first three letters of our last names. It's pronounced "sugar", but spelled S-H-U-G-A-R. We officially began using our nickname for our Beatles-inspired wedding with the theme "All You Need is ShuGar Love."




I am a writer at my core. I've been writing on and off since I was a little one. When I decided to create my blog, I was thinking about what has inspired me to finally make my writing public. I immediately thought of Mr. ShuGar's love and our marriage. Because of his support, I felt the confidence to write from my heart. Therefore, I decided to use similar colors, fonts, and theme from our wedding for my blog.




I blog about the Heart and all there is to Love. My blog is a snapshot of my heart, inspired by the "ShuGar Love" in my life. It explores my love for art, photography, The Beatles, traveling, indie films, dance, books, food, LA, fashion, family, marriage, baby and, most importantly, love. I invite all to share in the love.




Now, a glimpse into my ShuGar heart:




Turquoise rocks my world. Art is my passion. In another life, I was born as Lizzy Bennet and Mr. ShuGar was my Mr. Darcy. I heart LA. I'm an indie film nerd. Fashion & writing feed my soul. Our entire love story can be told through Beatles songs. Mr. ShuGar and our ShuGar Baby are my sunshine. Love is all. Love is you.




Blog Features:

• ShuGar Fix Mondays is a weekly fashion, decor, and beauty inspiration series because Mondays deserve an extra dose of pretty. For more ShuGar Fix Mondays, click here!
• Mommy’s Corner is a weekly series every Wednesday exploring our journey in becoming parents, our love for our ShuGar baby, and general topics related to mommyhood.
• {Recently launched!} The All You Need is Love Project is a movement to inspire more love on this planet. The more we come together, the more love we can share. Every Thursday, join the revolution here! Thursday's All You Need is Love Project is a day dedicated to writing about love, posting pictures about love on social media, and sharing with others my heart in person and online. Other bloggers link up and participate in the love movement.
• A Week in the Life is a photo inspiration series on Fridays to document every day moments in my ShuGar life.
• Other fun ShuGar Love posts include: indie film reviews, book reviews, exploring my love for my L.A. city, and, of course, Beatles love.

 

Now meet your hosts and guest hosts!

Interested in co-hosting the Weekday Mixer? 

Fill out this form and Natasha will be in touch with more information.

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"A Place for Mom" sent an update on having the 'tough talk' with the folks. If you already started, or have done it, you know it can be touchy, emotional, maybe even argumentative; some elderly parents might be ready for it and will sit down and plan.

We just went through the time of year there was more family members around who can attest to the older folks condition - maybe they haven't seen them in awhile, maybe they can help with starting the conversation. Let's face it -- no one wants to be reminded they are getting older, or are not in the same condition they were in a few years ago. But in this case, sometimes it's not all about exercise and eating better. We all need to look long-term at daily care, transportation, medicines, legal - like Power of Attorney, even end-of-life issues if necessary.

Tough topics but the website has offered '6 practical tips' for families on how to start this kind of talk that may help. The following is taken directly from their article "Before It's Too Late: How to Have the Tough Conversation with Your Aging Parents".


1. Be Open
Be candid and open when you speak with your loved one. Explain your concerns specifically and clearly without unnecessary euphemisms or dancing around the issues. Share your own feelings. Use “I” statements, and remind your older loved one that your concerns come from love.

2. Follow the Golden Rule
Imagine the roles are reversed and that you are the elderly person. How would you want your loved ones to address you about their concerns?

3. Remind Your Loved One That You’re Here to Support Them
Try not to let your parent feel threatened, or see you as an adversary in the interaction. Reassure them that you will be with them through thick and thin, and that you have their best interest at heart before anything else.

4. Allow Your Loved One to Feel in Control
A sense of a loss of independence and autonomy is one of the biggest causes of distress in these situations. Make it clear to your loved one that the purpose of this conversation is to clarify their wishes about the future, not to force some already made decision on them.

5. Tell Your Loved One about Your Own Needs and Limitations
Some older parents may expect one of their children, perhaps you, to take care of them in their old age, regardless of circumstances. Let your parent know now if this isn’t a realistic expectation because of your own needs or obligations.

6. Leave the Conversation with an Action Point
It’s easy for conversations such as these to become mired in abstractions or vague promises to talk about it later. Make it a goal to come away with some clear takeaways in terms of your parents’ wishes and expectations.

According to a 2012 survey from the National Family Caregivers Association and Care Improvement Plus: (from ElderCarelink)

* 66 percent of those surveyed have provided care to a loved one for five or more years.
• 70 percent serve as the primary or sole caregiver
• Nearly 75 percent help their loved one with care coordination and instrumental activities of daily living


The caregiver role continues to expand

The survey results show that the role of unpaid caregiver continues to get more complex.

• 71 percent help their loved one to manage their finances
• 74 percent provide both physical and nutritional support to their loved one
• 79 provide transportation support
• 73 percent coordinate care for their loved one

Sometimes other people they know have had this type of conversation -- if you know the conversation went well, remind them of this (be careful if it didn't). If you have a good rapport with any of their doctors, they may be able to help smooth the way; they may be able to convince the folks that it is a good idea to have you present during their medical visits. If you follow "Help in Remembering Health Information", another post of mine that tells of what I did when I went to my mom's doctor's with her, it may help convince them that it is a good thing to have you around.

My in-laws are a good example of those fighting 'help'. They are 92 and 91 still living in their own home together but are slowing down and could use help. But they will not always share information, want to go to doctors alone, still want to drive themselves, still go up and down stairs. We've tried to convince them to get 'Lifeline', the button you wear to call for help if something happens -- nope. They would rather call one of their adult children first, then call 911. When really sick, they have allowed one of the daughter-in-laws to accompany them to their different visits or to the ER. Not all of their children are on their doctor lists, meaning not every adult child can call for information if concerned - the siblings have to go through the only one on the list, they can't talk to the pharmacist. I have tried talking to them, and my husband's sibling, since they saw what I went through with my parents hoping that could help and why it's important for everyone to be on the same page. They do what they want.

Try to talk and have it down on paper for everyone to follow, from ALL the doctors and their phone numbers, where their medical information is (like their medical insurance card or policy) to the pharmacy, to where the paperwork is (Power of Attorney, Living Will, funeral directives, etc.).
For more information see 'care 4 elderly parents'.

Adult services start - finally! It's scary for mom!!! Things I did to make it better for him (and me hopefully).

The first Weekday Mixer was a great success! We had 100 blogs linked up and numerous social media link-ups! We hope that you all had the opportunity to mix and mingle and make some awesome new buddies!

 

 Welcome the 2nd week of The Weekday Mixer Social Media Link-Up! As you know, it is a brand new social media link-up for all to join! This mixer is all about networking and making connections. Also, you can gain exposure and increase your social media following! Link up your social media accounts and mix it up with some of the other linkers.

Each week, the Weekday Mixer will start on Sunday nights at 8:00pm and go on until Friday night at 11:59pm. One linker will be chosen each week and featured in the following week's link-up! If chosen, you can provide a brief summary about yourself and your blog/website and all of your social media accounts will be listed. It's a great way to stand out among the crowd!

Now meet this week's featured blogger...

My name is Pamela and I blog over at Macdonald's Playland. My goal is to inspire and help (even in some little way) fellow women, wives, and mommies going through their own journey...all while documenting my own. In this blog I share my creative outlets and a smorgasbord of other topics I enjoy as I adventure through wifehood and motherhood. In my blog you'll find posts on recipes (I'm always rumbly in the tumbly!), fitness (or lack thereof), thoughts on marriage (TMI much?), and lessons
in mothering/parenting (usually it's my child teaching me things!). I also share a lot of crafts/DIY, home decor, party planning, etc. Additionally, I document family adventures, life lessons, my faith, every day randomness, and other Macdonald household shenanigans!

Check out some of my posts: 

• My DIY Blog Planner
• Tour my all-white master bedroom (yes, all white..even with a toddler. I laugh in the face of danger)
• Tour my dining room
• Check out the Teddy Bear Picnic Party I threw for my daughter's 1st bday
• Pregnancy updates (we are expecting our 2nd baby...a boy this time!) :)
• How my family and I announced my 2nd pregnancy through a fun stop-motion video
• See how gullible my husband is and how I told him I was pregnant (hint: I'm slick, it was at Disneyland, and I also caught it on video)
• Tour my computer desk space & a DIY milk bottle craft (to make a vase and pen holder)
• See more of the crafts & DIY projects I make such as felt food for my child, busy bags, portable felt boards, etc.
• Add recipes to your recipe book while following along in my attempts at cooking yummy things (like Snicker-Filled Chocolate Pudding Cupcakes!)

Thank you so much to the beautiful and sweet Natasha for choosing to feature my blog this week! I am so happy to be here and look forward to meeting you all! I love meeting fellow bloggers and getting to know my readers! Please come visit my playland , say hi, and enjoy your stay.... even if it doesn't
have much to do with cheeseburgers or a clown (clowns are scary anyway.)

... Macdonald's Playland ...| follow my blog | facebook | instagram | pinterest | twitter | shop |

 

And meet your hosts and guest hosts!

Interested in co-hosting the Weekday Mixer?
Fill out this form and Natasha will be in touch with more information.

Now, let's get started...

Please feel free to share our blog button on your sidebar.

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Will finally started his adult service program. I love the place! It has been around for a long time and has a great reputation. They spend a lot of time and effort on employment opportunities for the adult with disabilities. During our meetings, everyone was forthcoming with information, asking tons of questions about Will and what he likes, what he can do, what has he done, skills he has, etc., as well as personal hygiene issues,

communication, chores. They covered many topics.


Now he begins his journey. The facility is very different from school -- open, busy, noisy -- with lots of new faces. His first day went relatively well. He is part of the RIde program which we normally see as small buses. This is used for older people who cannot drive and disabled adults. Well, I find out they also use taxis when there is no bus available. The first day, I was going to ride with him, so we took the taxi they sent. He was not quite sure what to make of it. I let him take his radio with a larger headset for the ride. When we got to our destination, I took the headphones back (they were too big for his backpack, with everything else that was in there). He was allowed to keep the radio and they would let him use an headset there.


Problem came when he was leaving. Not only did he see many people leaving before him, but they took their headset back. So the taxi driver told me the ride home was not exactly smooth!! I explained this was his first day and the driver was fine. I wasn't so sure about this taxi thing -- I guess I have watched too many Law & Order, CSI, Criminal Minds, and my mind goes thru what if ... What if they make other stops and he tries to get off, what if the driver tries something (Will doesn't speak and is pretty easy), what if someone tries to take something out of his bag, what if they take him to the wrong stop and tell him to get out??


The next day, I take him. I see many taxis when we get there and talk to people. Taxis have been driving their clients for years and there have been no issues. OK..... He has a great day!!! I had purchased earbuds (we had none that worked at home the day before) and let him use those. He did just fine. Again he got anxious seeing other people leave and not him, he had to wait. But the ride home was fine, he even had a young lady in the taxi riding home with him!!!


So 3 areas that popped up that gave us or me problems: the first was the radio, easy - earbuds. The second issue was departing the facility. So I took to his iPad and the 'calender'. I set up the Monday - Friday time period that he is going to be there. So if he gives them a problem, they can point to his schedule: you are here 8:30 - 2:30. I set the next hour for 'wait for ride' since sometimes there may be a delay in pick-up. They can also add to it if he gets anxious about lunch or break or whatever. We also set up an agreement that they can write to me in the 'notes', to let me know how he does. Third is a mommy issue, the trip by himself. I know he is 21 but still s little boy in my eyes. Maybe I would feel better if he spoke. There have been no issues that I know of with people going to centers such as these via outside transportation companies. The local school busses have had more problems!! He seems excited when I told him he could take the ride himself in the morning, so I hope (with his radio working), he'll sit and enjoy the scenery! Lastly - I will try NOT to call the center to make sure he got there OK!!! Which face do I wear today????