End of the year

As the year closes, I look back not knowing where the time went. Even though I have not been posting as I want (many times 'life' has gotten me side-tracked), I try to keep in mind what we have been going through with those in our lives who need the help. Willie has gotten accustomed to his program, enjoying the time out in the community be it

shopping, lunches, movies, whatever. We have been through another SIS (Support Intensity Scale) evaluation (see 'Getting Closer to 21' ) and then a yearly evaluation at his center. We have had meetings regarding his community support person (the person who takes him out after his day program - out for walks, shopping, haircuts, snacks, etc). His wanting to experience more of a work environment hasn't come as quickly as I had hoped but the staff at his program continues to get him to do a variety of tasks there hoping something will pop out as a good fit. Personally I think he should be a professional traveler who critiques hamburgers and pizza wherever he goes!


On the elderly parents care front, this year we lost a couple of family members. My uncle, 77 who I wrote about in 'Having lunch with an uncle', passed this summer after a 7 year battle with cancer. My father-in-law, 94 who I also posted about in 'Heart, kidney, & liver problems', died in the late summer from kidney and liver failure. Both declined quickly but we were able to say our good-bys. Now we have my mother-in-law, 93, who my husband and his siblings are taking care of. Although they use one local agency, Child and Family Services, they are trying to take advantage of their many services. This I hope to explore more of and share with you soon. While you would think that lining up services to help take care of her since she still is in her own home (with a family member living there) would take up most of the time, it seems that dealing with behaviors is what takes the most time. She misses her husband so some of it may be dealing with grief but other times it is the forgetfulness, the repeating questions about events coming up, who came to visit, or unfortunately thinking that people are stealing from her that has everyone questioning her state of mind.


So we enter the new year trying to get a psychological evaluation done and her primary care physician (PCP) has prescribed some medication to level her moods off. I had a geriatric psych evaluation done on my mother a few years ago while she was in the hospital and it was good to know where she stood mentally so we would know how to handle things. I hope to keep people in the know with the services decided upon and information that have.



For now a Happy New Year to all. Also one full of health and peace!

Is the bathroom safe for your parents or special needs child?

A lot of safety issues for one group of individuals can carry over into another. Sometimes taking care of a special needs child or young adult is like taking care of your elderly parents or visa versa. I read a post regarding the bathroom being safe. My in-laws just had the same contractor that took care of cutting out mom's tub, to make it easier to get in and out of, do their tub.

The post was from Caring.com . It made some good points that we don't always think of so I thought I would share them.

*Be careful of water on the floor. They mention that having a shatterproof door is better than a curtain to help prevent a fall. Also use some type of tiles that feet can grip or decals that make the tub/shower floor not so slippery.


Since a lot of use a variety of soaps, shampoos, moisturizers, etc, the tub/shower floor can get slippery. So make sure someone wipes down the shower or tub with a wash cloth when the person is done. Of course, grab bars are a great addition to the bath.


Try to reduce glare. White seems to be a popular color for the bath but with all the lightening, including natural sunlight, there may be too much light making it hard for elderly or disabled people to see properly and lose their balance. Caring.com suggests using frosted lights, use a row of contrasting tiles or wallpaper borders. Of course, someone can always paint the walls a different color. Get a seat for the shower so the person can sit. This goes along with a hand shower nozzle that can be used at any level to help wash up.


During the colder months, people may be tempted to use space heaters and take one into the bathroom. Dangerous - someone may lose their balance and fall into one causing burns; or papers or towels may land on it possibly causing a fire. So of course you can call a professional to check the heating system in the bathroom; you can run the shower for a few minutes before the person gets in to steam up the bath; put the towels in the dryer so they are warm when the person gets out.


Back to the shower door again, try not to use it for balance. Install grab bars in the shower and don't place towel racks near the door either. People tend to use those for balance too and it can stress the shower door. Every so often check the shower door for cracks, chips, or glass rubbing against metal.

If a door or window does break, place a towel over the glass on the floor so it makes it safer to get out.

Elderly parents need caregivers to protect them against telephone scams.

The third Weekday Mixer was a great success! We had 72 blogs linked up and numerous social media link-ups! We hope that you all had the opportunity to mix and mingle and make some awesome new buddies!

 

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(picture from Clipart) Oh that all familiar sound, especially at dinner time! We all get it, most of us avoid it. Deep down inside, all of us know it is just someone doing their job - calling to see if we need something or want to donate to some charity, lower our mortgage, get a better credit card rate, the list goes on. Unfortunately though, not all callers are legit. The news in our area has been ripe with telephone scams, mostly aimed at the elderly. So what can you do to help your parents?
Sometimes the elderly will answer a call and keep talking because the other person is 'nice' and they don't want to be rude. Mom would do this sometimes. Unfortunately, the longer they talk, the better chance the caller has to get your elderly parent involved in their 'deal'.
'Fraud.org' has a webpage to help you educate your parent on what to look for in a call, to determine if it is fraudulent. One is to remind them that not everyone is just trying to make a living - there are actually people out there trying to take their money, that free prizes or gifts are not always available, easy money is not easy. Here are what they consider to be the red flags:
•A promise that you can win money, make money, or borrow money easily;
•A demand that you act immediately or else miss out on this great opportunity;
•A refusal to send you written information before you agree to buy or donate;
•An attempt to scare you into buying something;
•Insistence that you wire money or have a courier pick up your payment; and
•A refusal to stop calling after you’ve asked not to be called again.
Seniors should also be reminded that:
•It’s illegal for companies that operate contests or sweepstakes to ask you to pay to enter or claim your prize or even to suggest that your chances of winning will improve if you buy something;
•It’s illegal for telemarketers to ask for a fee upfront to help you get a loan if they guarantee or strongly imply that the loans will be made;
•There is no reason to give your credit card number or bank account number to a telemarketer unless you are actually making a payment with that account; and,
•If you have to pay first before getting detailed information about the offer, it’s probably a scam.
Check mom and dad to make sure that they do not:
•Receive lots of mail for contests, "free trips," prizes, and sweepstakes;
•Get frequent calls from strangers offering great deals or asking for charitable contributions;
•Make repeated and/or large payments to companies in other states or countries;
•Have difficulty buying groceries and paying utility and other bills;
•Subscribe to more magazines than anyone could normally read;
•Receive lots of cheap items such as costume jewelry, beauty products, water filters, and knick knacks that they bought to win something or received as prizes;
•Get calls from organizations offering to recover, for a fee, money they have lost to fraudulent telemarketers.

What to do to help? Put their number on a do not call list and do the same for their cell phone number. Check their bank and credit card statements. Screen calls. Learn how to hang up.
Robocalls are similar; these are recorded messages, usually shows 'unknown' for a number if you have Caller ID or 'spoofed'. Of course, these are easier for people to hang up on. 'SeniorSavvy.org' also suggests registering your phone number with the National Do Not Call Registry @ 888-382-1222. Do not press any numbers prompted, even to disconnect, since that will tell them that this is a good number and they will continue to call. You can also check with Nomorobo to see if they can help you get their number off the list. If your parents seem to get a lot of calls, someone can keep track of those calls with a form from 'Fraud.org' - that way if you need to pursue some type of action, you will have a record. Click here for the form.

Ever wonder if you can care too much??

Caring.com shared a list of things that caregivers can get caught up in. We all know we care about our family, be it caring for elderly parents or a special needs child. Every once in awhile though we can get caught up in their life, making ours take a back seat. Totally understandable but we tend to forget - it is OK for us to have a life, get some of our likes, interests, friends, etc back to enjoy.
Take a look at their list and see how many you answer 'yes' to. Then take some time to carve out for yourself and tell yourself it is all right to have a life separate from those you are taking care of.

1 - You use words like "always" and "never" with regard to caregiving. You always have to be there or do something, no one else can. Watch out for burnout.

2 - Your friends seem to have stopped calling. Maybe you constantly turn down invitations because you feel the need to be by someone's side 24/7. Or maybe your conversations with people always revolve around caregiving duties. Take time with friends to clear your mind, get back to your interests, laugh some, drink some wine and laugh some more.

3 - You have a hard time remembering the last time you were happy. Do you feel overwhelmed? Can't find anything in the day to make you happy or smile about? You need to find something to give you the 'warm & fuzzy' feeling inside.

4 - Everyone assumes you will step forward to help. No one else steps forward because you are the one always doing something. Ask for help; unfortunately people will take advantage of your good nature if you let them. As someone once told me, "don't expect much from people and you won't be disappointed". Caregiving can be overwhelming and people know their lives will change big time so they don't want to get involved. Ask anyway!!

5 - You are overweight or out of shape. You need to take care of yourself first in order to best take care of someone else. Make sure yout eat well, take a walk, get enough sleep (your family member naps, you nap -- just like when there were babies around). When it comes to your well-being, be selfish.

6 - You can't remember the last time you took a vacation. Even if it is overnight somewhere local, take some time away. Have a relative or friend stay with your family member, check into respite services, call some assisted living communities in your area, some may take people in for a weekend while family takes a break. Check into 'short term stays', like this one.

7 - Your conversations always are about caregiving. See # 2. You need to get out!!

8 - You have no hobbies. Maybe it can be something you can do with your family member like baking, knitting, sewing, or scrapbooking (which has wonderful contributions for the elderly parent too), but also allow yourself break time - read a book, see a movie, go shopping. Get the grandchildren to come over and entertain.

9 - You can't sleep through the night. It may be because the elderly parent doesn't sleep and keeps you up. Maybe it is just stress or you are not feeling well. Somehow you need to get some rest. Here again, take a night off, try meditation.

10 - You dread waking up in the morning. If you feel spent and 'heavy hearted' as the article says, you need to get help. No one can be expected to do things all by themselves for a long period of time. "Nobody, not even the most well-intentioned, big-hearted, and selfless among us -- is meant to endure a tough situation all alone, day after day, year after year."

To read the entire post, click here.

Medical Alert Systems.

I just wanted to add to this piece that a reader wrote me that she ordered a system for her parents which she is very happy with. So I wanted to add their link for others to look at. Please check out 'Medical Alert Advice'. Thank you for your suggestion.



I have been assigned the task of gathering information about medical alert systems as my father-in-law, 92, is again in the hospital. My mother-in-law has had company at night but will not always have that companion. When my father-in-law comes home, it would be nice to have a way for them to have access to help right away since all the sons, daughters, & in-laws work & grandkids are all over the place as well. They have in the past said 'no' to this idea but the children all think 'just put the system in place, it is best for them'. So since I am resting from surgery, I get to check into different companies and set-ups.
So the following contains my thoughts & feelings on this, taking into consideration what they are looking for. As a caregiver, you can take the information as you see fit but decide what your particular situation is and what you are trying to accomplish for your elderly parents in order to make a decision. Maybe one of these will work for you, maybe none. A lot of information is online and pretty easy to read. My suggestion: call the company and make sure you understand how it works, payments, contracts (if any), how many contacts can be on the system, cost of additional buttons (sometimes only 1 is free & you need to pay for a second & it may affect the monthly charge), if there is a trial period, any discounts available to AARP members or veterans, etc. There was additional information given to me that I did not see on the site!! All will require agreements to be filled out before sending a system and/or installing.
My mom had an ADT system. I am not pushing this over any other - basically her reasoning was: she had heard of it, other senior people she knew had it % liked it, & they were local. It ended up being a positive experience - the call center was great, the price was right along with everyone else, it was easy to install, uninstall & return when needed, the product worked well.
Now for the companies & systems I checked out.

How to get money to get out of debt. Thanks +Kelly Schaefer

There are a lot of people out there, for a variety of reasons, having a hard time paying bills. People are having a hard time with employment, taking care of special needs children or elderly parents, there may be someone ill in the family - possibly a major income earner. This of course creates headaches, worry, sleepless nights. I saw a great post on "The Executive Suite" by + Kelly Schaefer that gives ideas on how to fundraise for personal debt from government grants, benefits, or do-it-yourself fundraising. Here is what Kelly mentions:
**Grants and public assistance: "The U.S. government provides numerous grants and public assistance programs to citizens in the most dire financial need. Low-income families and individuals who meet state regulated guidelines are often eligible to receive funding through welfare programs to ensure basic survival needs. Depending on your income, number of dependents and employment status, you might be eligible to receive food stamps, Medicaid and monthly cash allowance benefits. Contact your state department of health and human services -- or a similar agency -- for application information and eligibility guidelines. You can also explore Benefits.gov website for personal grant opportunities."
**Crowdfunding opportunities: "Crowdfunding is a way of soliciting donations from a public audience by setting a financial goal and pleading your cause. This is typically accomplished by setting up a profile on a crowdfunding website. You compose a short summary of your needs and outline a specific financial goal you need to meet to resolve your financial issue. Your case is received and verified by web administrators and -- if approved -- posted publicly with links to accept pledges and donations. The Modest Needs organization helps needy families and individuals raise funds for anything from overdue utility bills to funds to cover medical expenses. Edu Lender (edulender.com/community/) is a similar site focusing on the financial needs of struggling college students."
**fundraising events: "Hosting community social events is often a fun and effective way to raise money to help put a dent in your debt. If you belong to a church, community center or similar facility, look into renting a conference or banquet room to hold an event. Depending on the cause of your debt and personal situation, some organizations may loan you the space free of charge. Pancake breakfasts and spaghetti dinners are relatively inexpensive to organize and provide an opportunity for neighbors to come together in a social atmosphere. Estimate the costs of food and materials and expected head count to establish a fair yet profitable admission fee. Promote the event at least one month in advance via email marketing, flier distribution and posting ads in local bulletin boards."
**Rummage sales: "You can easily earn money to clear your debts -- while clearing unwanted clutter too -- by selling discarded household items. Take a look around your garage, basement, closets and storage units for seldom used belongings and assemble a sales inventory. One man's trash may be another's treasure. Gather all unwanted items and hold a yard or garage sale to make immediate on-the-spot sales. You may be able to increase your profit by listing items on eBay where buyers can bid in online auctions to "win" your items."
Lots of great ideas you might want to consider. Thank you again +Kelly.

Feeling like the walls are caving in? Need help with remembering?

The holidays are here, again. So on top of a caregivers regular 'to do' list, comes the errands of buying gifts, writing cards, going to school plays or musicals, decorating the house or houses, etc., to name a few things. Most people automatically assume when you talk about memory issues, you are referring to an elderly parent or family member. Any caregiver worth their salt, will say it is not so. It is a pretty good assumption that the brain will get fried to a certain extent during this time of year. Some families have helpful other family member and friends; some families have to go it on their own.

According to AARP, there are memory boosters. Not only are they good for the older member of the family, but will be good for those caregivers who may be 'sandwiched'.
Check out these 8 memory boosters from the site: 1 - lift weights - In one study of 65- to 75-year olds with normal cognitive function, women who exercised for an hour once or twice a week, using dumbbells, weight machines and other calisthenic exercises significantly improved their long-term mental focus and decision-making. The control group — which did not see the same brain benefits — did "balance and toning exercises" including stretching, range-of-motion. Another study, of 70- to 80-year olds with mild cognitive impairment, showed cognitive improvemet among women who did either resistance training or aerobic exercises. Men weren't included in that study, but other research involving both genders finds that strength training helps preserve or improve memory.
2 - laugh - A hearty laugh provides short but similar benefits of aerobic exercise for improved heart (and brain) health and immunity. Other benefits: Laughter elevates the production of neurotransmitters linked to improved memory and alertness while decreasing stress hormones that can cloud thinking. And when listening to jokes, as you wrestle to understand the punch line, areas of the brain that are vital to learning, creativity and decision-making activate, much as they do when working out

"brainteaser" crossword puzzles and Sudoku.
3 - take a nap - In addition to improved daytime alertness, good sleep — night after night — helps keep memory and learning well-tuned. But even with Rip Van Winkle-like nocturnal habits (and certainly without), consider a regular afternoon nap for about 90 minutes. It costs nothing but time — and the payback, according to studies, could be significant. Compared to non-nappers, those who partake in daytime zzz's display measurable improvements in tests gauging decision-making, problem-solving, creativity and even tasks like recalling directions.
4 - meditate - Studies find that daily meditation can strengthen connections between brain cells, increase growth in the part of the brain that controls memory and language, and may even bolster the ability to process information and make decisions more quickly. There are various forms of meditation, but most involve spending 15–60 minutes — best if done at least once a day — of focused attention on a word, object, sound or even your own breathing.
5 - rate your plate - Grains like oatmeal, brown rice, barley and quinoa supply energy to the brain, which may boost learning. Nuts and seeds — including low-cost peanuts, sunflower seeds and flax — are loaded with vitamin E, which helps combat cognitive decline as you age. Blueberries, cherries, raspberries and red grapes contain antioxidants to feed brain areas responsible for memory and learning (apples, bananas and oranges are also good). Spinach, tomatoes, onions and asparagus are vegetable standouts. And while salmon remains supreme, less expensive fish — also rich in omega-3 fatty acids — include tuna, sardines, anchovies and mullet.
6 - step lively - Just walking briskly — no equipment necessary — cuts your lifetime risk of Alzheimer's disease by half. So does most anything else (including money-saving DIY gardening and housecleaning) that gets your heart pumping for at least 150 minutes per week, ideally for 30 minutes or longer per session. Why? Boosting heart rate improves blood flow to areas of the brain involved with memory, learning and decision-making. Hint: Studies find a walk in the park boosts energy, focus and well-being more than indoor exercise.
7 - socialize - Take a free class at the local library. Volunteer. Make use of Facebook. Or just hang out with friends. Any of these no-cost activities reduces the risk of dementia and slows or prevents cognitive decline. Theory: Social engagement means mental engagement — talking or just being around others requires focus and attention to details (while combating loneliness, itself a risk for dementia), and some research suggests even brief but regular social engagement bolsters memory, self-awareness and the ability to not be easily distracted.
8 - brush & floss - For just pennies a day, good oral hygiene can help prevent gingivitis and gum disease. Most people know that inflammation in your mouth has been linked to heart disease; what's less well-known is that gingivitis has also been linked to several cognitive problems, including declines in memory and verbal and math skills. More serious gum disease boosts the risk of memory problems as much as threefold (plus factors into stroke, diabetes and heart disease).

Also some quick mental workouts:
1) Play a brain game

2) Don't retire
3) Make musice
4) Pay attention
5) Do a jigsaw puzzle
6) Go back to school
7) Take a tech brake
8) Get a library card

Similar information is offered by Fox News from a study that was done in 2002 - 2003. It was recently published in the British Journal of Medicine acknowledging that physical activity not only helps cognitively but a seniors physical well-being, to boost healthy aging. Thank you + Caring for Aging Parents and their post from Securus GPS on Nov 26, 2013 for mentioning this Fox News article.

Take a peek at these fun yet functional gift.

I have seen a variety of Christmas gifts for elderly parents, even appropriate for those with a disablity this season from different vendors and sites. Check these out to see if anything catches your eye.

(Bluetooth phone, Fitbit, LifeBio Journal)

There are plenty more. Please click here.

The Holidays Can Help Show You How Your Parents Live.

This time of year is a great time to see where your elderly parents are with their health and living conditions. For those of us who live right in the area or with their parents and see them on a consistent basis, it can be hard for us to differentiate any changes. We see them in all their ups and downs, from stomach aches, back aches, headaches; not being hungry, not being thirsty, no sleep, hours of sleep. It is just another day - sometimes.

During visits from siblings or relatives and friends who are NOT around all the time, take the opportunity to allow them to spend time with the parents. Let them see them for a few hours; whether you leave the house or not, let them cater to the folks. This way they can gain a perspective of how they are - they may see things you can't. Then sit and discuss how they find the parents, how they have changed between visits. I would find that sometimes my mom would do better with someone else; I probably drove her crazy at times. She would be able to remember different things and carry on better conversations with someone different. She would be more apt to say 'yes' to tea and a snack, walk a little more. On the other hand, some would comment on how often she repeated herself, would lose herself in a conversation, wouldn't remember a recent visit or appointment. So I would just put all the information together in a diary for the doctor to help me see what could be going on.

The ElderCarelink has some easy things to look for while visiting.

1. Do they seem depressed? If your parents are sleeping too much, have no interest in their hobbies, or have a decreased appetite, they may be suffering from depression. Ask someone who sees them frequently about their moods when you aren't there.
2. Are they having balance problems? If a parent is walking unsteadily, insist they see a doctor. Balance problems could be an early sign of an inner ear infection, bad joints or even dementia.
3. Have they lost a lot of weight? Look in their refrigerator and pantry to make sure they have nutritious food on hand. If eating isn't the issue, suggest they get a complete physical to discover the reason behind the weight loss.

I used to keep in mind that the holidays were tough on mom since dad and my grandparents had all passed and no matter how we tried to keep things light and busy and festive, there were always incidents that brought back memories - even as simple as one of the boys doing something that my dad used to do or seeing old pictures. These things are not inherently bad but can put someone in a depressed mood. We would just try to look at events that are coming up, like weddings or trips or visits from people who we haven't seen in a while. Another thing that helped was SKYPE. My husband and I would arrange times with out-of-state relatives, finding out when they would be home. We would contact them and mom would be able to see them and talk for however long they all lasted in front of the laptop. It really made her happy to be able to see them, they could talk about the old days and sometimes see each others children and grandchildren -- almost like being there!! Sometimes these 'visits' were far better than any gift in a box.
,

Giving Love to Your Parents in the Way They Understand.

Role reversal - parenting the parent, an emotional time for both the adult child and the parent says "A Place for Mom". Parents feel embarrassed and frustrated as they find they cannot do things for themselves; adult children show a sense of loss watching their mom or dad deteriorate.

"Clearly, the role reversal that comes with with aging and caregiving strains the parent-child relationship and puts it on difficult and unfamiliar turf. Because the relationship between you and your parent has changed dramatically, you may need to explore new ways of expressing love and receiving love that are appropriate to you and your parent’s current position and transformed roles."

(picture from A Place for Mom) The website cites a book by psychologist Dr. Gary Chapman written in 1995, 'The Five Languages of Love'. There is something he calls the 'Love Language' that each person has - a way of giving and showing love. He says with relationships changing you may need to find new ways to show love to your parents. He asks adult children to think back to their childhood to see how their parents expressed love to them, to see how to express that love back. I wish I thought about this more when mom was around - I would get so caught up in all the day-to-day stuff with her situation and my own family and what they needed, I'm sure I could have showed her more love than I did. Although I knew she knew I loved her by the way she talked to other people about what I was doing for her, I could have 'said' more to her about how I felt rather than assuming she knew BECAUSE I was doing what I was doing.

Back to Dr. Chapman and his theory:
1) Words of Affirmation - some elderly parents need to constantly hear "I love you". So spread compliments and 'I love you' when you can, 'words of approval and affirmation'.
2) Quality time - spend some time when they can have your undivided attention, turn off phones, pagers TVs. Spend some time going to lunch or dinner, go shopping, or just sit and talk.
3) Giving and Receiving Gifts - he is not talking about accumulating 'things' but sharing things - sending articles that someone might be interested in, sending flowers, making sure you remember a birthday or anniversary or just because. Mom would sometimes get excited if I found something she used all the time on sale and bought her a few of them!!
4) Acts of Service - this is from the parent who used to do things around the house or favors for people. We all know caregiving is an act of service but maybe a spouse can fix something around the house or yard, change the oil in a car, mow the lawn.
5) Physical touch - maybe mom or dad was a hugger. Hug or hold hands, walk arm-in-arm. Again, something else I should have done more of.

Think back and see how your parents acted and maybe by acting accordingly, it might help your changing relationship. I know the times we did share a hug, it was like a physical release, a slowing down of what we were doing, a "it's all going to be Ok" (even though things were going downhill). Even at the end (mom was not talking, eyes closed - like a coma state), before leaving the nursing home, I would give her a kiss, say 'I love you. It will all be Ok if you want to go'. Her body and face would relax a little. I think it was her way of saying back 'thank you, love you too'.

Looking for Ways for Mom and Dad to Make Tasks Easier?

I found on AgingCare.com some great items to help with daily tasks. Many elderly parents do not want to feel like they are losing their independence, have to count on people to do simple things that they use to do for themselves. How about:

A Gripmate Dexterity Aid.

A Lamp Switch Turner.

To see more, go here..

Gobble & Fa-La-La - 'Tis the Season to Get Stressful !

Ok - so you have your own stash of candy carefully hidden after Halloween, in a secret place where you can get sugared up and find nirvana at the same time. The wine has been carefully chosen (the story is that you want to sample some wines early so you can plan the Thanksgiving Day dinner in advance and make it the 'best day ever'). Phineas & Ferb would be so proud! The bottle of aspirin or ibuprofen is handy, has been since the creation of those superhero or princess costumes or the running around for the perfect 'look'.

Caregiver to caregiver - we know the real story!!! Down the homestretch, we see the next 2 holidays wherever we go. Between the foods and dinner ideas to the decorations and reminders of gift lists, we start to get bleary-eyed. OH BOY - how many directions can I get pulled in this year!!
As much as we like to handle things ourselves, to make sure things get done 'right' or 'just the way mom or dad likes it', we as caregivers need to let others into our world and help.

The Sams Club November/December 2013 Magazine has an article on 'Seasonal Stress' written by Michele Mongillo, RN, MSN. It acknowledges all the stressors that affect families: gatherings to plan, buying gifts, cooking for groups, organized activities. Of course all these are on top of the normal everyday, more personal tasks that need to get done for our elderly parents or special needs child. Michele has what are called 'tools and tactics' you can use to help relieve the stress.

*** COMMUNICATION: open the conversation with other family members about limited time to participate in some activities. Ask for help so you can accomplish your own tasks. When you send holiday cards, put in a note to say your time may be limited due to caregiving. Suggest other family members have the family meal at their home. Sometimes people are waiting to be asked to help, they may not want to intrude on your privacy.
*** PREPARATION: shop online for gifts or save catelogs that come through the mail so you can identify presents and go straight to the store to get them thus saving time wandering. Cook or bake things that can be frozen ahead of time. Check your calender for those days you need time off and ask a friend or family member to help. If that can't be done, try a local agency.
*** ENJOYMENT: make a choice and find a holiday tradition to 'keep' and let some others go; focus on those to make them memorable for all. Take time for yourself - exercise, get a massage, take time to slow down and just enjoy your loved one.

These next months need to be enjoyable for all. They can be with a little planning and recruitment from friends and family to stop in for a 'visit' so you can leave. Lastly - don't forget where you put the candy and wine. I'm not sure how much it helps at times but it certainly can't hurt in moderation.

Want to be the family caregiver?? 4 steps to check.

Elderlink.com states that the Pew Research Center found that 21% of Americans care for an elderly parent. While sometimes this situation comes on quickly, there are things you can do to better prepare yourself for when it does happen.
** One is to talk to your parents - find out what they want as they get older or if something happens. Go over the possibilities - assisted living, nursing home, care at home. Find out if they have a living will and / or any advance directives.
** Two is to get important documents or papers - make sure you have social security numbers, get any insurance information, accumulate doctor's names & numbers, sign HIPAA waivers with all doctors so you can talk to them and / or ask questions and help decide on treatment and tests.
** Three is to know your employer's family leave policy - The Family & Medical Leave Act was designed to help people keep their job when it came time to staying home and taking care of a child or elderly parent. Know what this means for you and your job.
** Four is research senior care options - check the difference between assisted living and a nursing home, if someone is a veteran find out what the Veterans Administration can help with, find in-home care agencies in your area. Check to see what their insurance will cover.

Best to be prepared. Talk to others who hare been a caretaker or are currently caring for someone.

Check these sites for information (these are only a few):

ElderCarelink
Caring.com
The Savvy Senior
Assisted Living Directory
Seniors List

Always Looking for Advice for Caregivers.

Pictures of Will's confirmation. Mimi & Papa and Vovo (grandmother in Portuguese). Taken Spring 2012.

Talking to people who are taking care of a loved one, whether it is an elderly parent or special needs child, stress always comes into the conversation. We don't want to admit it, it feels like you are a weak person, like you can't do what those who have not done it, might consider like a job. "Just schedule it, just better your use of time management, just let one other thing go -your kids can wait." Raise your hand - how many have heard something like this. BrightStar Care of Southwest Houston, from Caregiver Junction had a post regarding 'what do family caregivers really need?'. Besides the outward tired look, caregiving can also lead to other health issues: infectious diseases, depression, sleep deprivation, premature aging, and higher mortality rate.

What does BrightStar say about it? Cognitive incapacity does have an important indirect effect through its influence on disruptive behavior and social functioning. It is important to find ways to deal with the disruptive behavior and declining social function. There are many ways to approach both of these, including day care centers for dementia patients and behavioral analysis of the disruptive behavior. Asking for help isn’t easy but these issues are difficult to handle alone.

Get help from the community resources available to you, seek out and accept respite care, learn new skills and acquire the tools you need to succeed.

Don’t see yourself as an island. A different study that showed that caregivers need more than just social support. It is critical to your health that you receive education, counseling, and/or direct services. It is important that you experience peer support and share the stressful but also rewarding experience of caregiving. However, we also need to acquire new tools to help us deal with new situations, we also need to invest in stress relief.

*** As you consider your journey as a caregiver don’t make your loved one your total focus. This is easier said than done but if you are going to finish your journey as a whole, healthy person it is important you keep part of your attention on your own needs.


Can't say it enough - use local resources: friends, senior centers, social service agencies, religious leaders. Ask for someone to take over for a time, look for respite care, day care centers. Don't feel like you have to do it all yourself.

Early Intervention: Good for the Young and the Old

Early Intervention in the school system is a wonderful program for the very young.

With school starting and the new screening schedule sent to us screeners (I have been a certified pre-school and kindergarten screener for about 5 years), I thought it a good idea to remind families with young children about this great service. Thinking about it more, early intervention is good for families taking care of elderly parents as well.

Early intervention applies to children of school age or younger who are discovered to have or be at risk of developing a handicapping condition or other special need that may affect their development. Early intervention consists in the provision of services such children and their families for the purpose of lessening the effects of the condition. Early intervention can be remedial or preventive in nature--remediating existing developmental problems or preventing their occurrence.
Early intervention may focus on the child alone or on the child and the family together. Early intervention programs may be center-based, home-based, hospital-based, or a combination. Services range from identification--that is, hospital or school screening and referral services--to diagnostic and direct intervention programs. Early intervention may begin at any time between birth and school age; however, there are many reasons for it to begin as early as possible. (from 'Kids Source Online)

Both our oldest and middle boys started in a local program pretty much as soon as they moved in with us since they were starting to be enrolled while in foster care. If you have any concerns about your child, you should start with your pediatrician. In MY opinion, it is best to make sure your pediatrician feels that there may be a developmental concern and he/she can refer you to an agency or school program. Our 2 boys went to a program in a facility that is basically for developmentally delayed children and adults. But after a year maybe a year and a half, they moved onto pre-schools. Our oldest (who still wants to be anonymous) continued on through the regular school curriculum. Willie continued on through Special Ed with an IEP. Either way, the Early Intervention program was great. I was able to stay during their sessions and watch and they loved it as the teachers 'played with them' and worked with their plan.

The same concept of early intervention is good for the elderly. My mother was concerned as she got older and started developing slight tremors since Parkinsons runs in the family and was forgetting things occasionally. We also have dementia, Alzheimer's, cancer, heart conditions, diabetes -- my future should be an interesting roll of the dice -- maybe whatever I get, my mind may be at a point that I won't care!! Close to the end of her time, she did have mental issues that we were not sure if it was dementia or delirium (see said post "Delirium or Something Else").

Anyway, what I was getting to WAS mom decided that she wanted to get checked out and was referred to a local Memory and Aging Clinic dealing with the mental status in the elderly. We went several times over a couple of years to get tested, reviewed, have a check-up. The doctors were wonderful, very easy to talk to, work with, patient, pleasant. They made the experience very comfortable. While mom was being tested, I was filling out a questionnaire dealing with how I see her going through her daily life skills. The testing did not take long and it was some visual and some memory testing. Also there was an exam for the Parkinson's.

According to them, there was no worry about the Parkinson's and the level of forgetfulness was normal for someone in her a 80's. This put mom's mind at ease. It was great because they were always available for talking on the phone if we had any concerns or questions. The doctors said that if at any of her future visits they found that there was evidence of dementia or Alzheimer's, there are very good new medicines that have slowed its progression. The doctors were very confident in trying these meds. They said there has been good results with these meds when given at the first signs of Alzheimer's.

We have tried talking to my in-laws since they have issues but they will not budge on going. I suggested to a friend whose mom is having memory issues to try and take her. I don't know if they don't want to find out there may be a problem or they don't want to go to a clinic based in a hospital known for being a place for people with mental issues and addictions. Either way, it is better to go to get checked out no matter where the program is than to worry your family about your condition. If there are meds out there that help, take them and you can spend more quality time with your family.

Checking in on Part D Prescriptions.

If your elderly parent(s) have a Medicare Part D plan, now that we are halfway through the yea, you may want to check on how they are doing with it. Make sure they are getting the discounts they are entitled to. Read on ....

Geriatric Care Manager and When to Use One.

(picture from 'caring.com' website)

One position that I have been coming across a lot lately has been the 'Geriatric Care Manager'. I see it a lot in the websites dedicated to elderly parents and caregivers. 'Caring.com' had an interview with Kaaren Boothroyd who is the executive director of the National Association of Professional Geriatric Care Managers. Their NAPGCM site educates consumers on the role of the GCM and how to find one.


Facts:

The average lifespan in the U.S. is 78.2 years.
On average 10,000 people in the U.S. turn 65 every day.
There are 40 million people – more than 13 percent of the U.S. population – who are 65 years or older.

This role of geriatric care manager came about from the changing family life, where a lot of adult children live away from their parents or have work lives that cut down on the time they can spend taking care of mom and/or dad. Kaaren lists reasons what people should consider before hiring a GCM and what the benefits are to doing this.

What should people consider before hiring a geriatric care manager?

Person has limited or no family support.
**Family has just become involved with helping the individual and needs direction about available services.
**Person has multiple medical or psychological issues.
**Person is unable to live safely in his/her current environment.
**Family is either "burned out" or confused about care solutions.
**Family has limited time and/or expertise in dealing with loved ones' chronic care needs.
**Family is at odds regarding care decisions.
**Person is not pleased with current care providers and requires advocacy.
**Person is confused about his/her own financial and/or legal situation.
**Family needs education and/or direction in dealing with behaviors associated with dementia.

What are the benefits of hiring a geriatric care manager?

Help meet goals of older adult and all involved.
**A care manager's knowledge, education, training, and experience can objectively help set realistic expectations while addressing obstacles that might be present.
**Often families are overwhelmed with the many options presented. A care manager can efficiently streamline decision making.
**As a neutral third party with knowledge of issues of older adults, a care manager can often help resolve conflicts that a more emotionally involved party can't.
**A care manager can often be a cost-effective alternative to families doing it themselves. Knowledge of entitlement programs, the elimination of often hours of research, reduction of time off from work and crisis-based travel can prove to not only provide positive outcomes but save time and valuable financial resources.
**Avoid problems. The proactive nature of care management can help avoid many of the unfortunate problems that face older adults.
**Supervising caregivers, home safety precautions, and safe financial management can be vital parts of a care manager's role.
**Avoid family conflicts. Having a facilitator to assist with difficult decisions can maintain family stability. Difficult decisions including end of life, driving, and relocation can be addressed in a positive manner.

I would suggest that you could probably talk to your parent's doctor or medical professional, or local social service agency and gather information on a GCM in your area and talk with your family to see if you need one. I have read in other posts that there may be a fee involved - whether it is a one time fee or a fee for each consultation, I do not know. Something else to ask.

Lastly, I just found a section on the 'caremanager.com' site that states that:

Care managers can often help parents who are concerned about a young adult or middle-aged adult child with disabilities. These care managers have experience and credentials to work with all ages. The care manager conducts a comprehensive assessment and helps the family plan for the current and future needs of their adult child.

Helping with:

**Physical Disabilities
**Developmental Disabilities, (e.g. Intellectual Disabilities /formerly called Mental Retardation, Down’s Syndrome, Autism, or Asperger’s Syndrome)
**Brain Injury
**Mental Health Problems
**Chronic or Serious Illnesses of any type

Government Benefits You May Not Be Aware Of.

I was reading through an email sent to me by Caring.com, a site I just found out about this past weekend that deals with caregivers and seniors. In the site I saw a post called "9 Government Benefits You Might Be Missing Out On" It is under Government Benefits. It describes different areas of help your elderly parent or family member may be able to take advantage of. Here is a quick review of the 9 (take a look at the site for more information):

1. Social security payments to dependents: these are payments made to the spouse of the deceased or any children or stepchildren under 18 years of age. The widowed spouse must be over 62 or over 50 if disabled. If this spouse is caring for children under 16, then age does not matter. Grandchildren might also collect. Check with your local Social Security Office.

2. Shoes for diabetics: anyone who is diabetic and eligible for Medicare Part B and meet your yearly deductible.Then Medicare can pay for possibly 80% of the cost. You get custom made shoes and 3 pairs of inserts. You need to be under a doctor's care for diabetes management and suffering from serious foot problems. You will need prescription from your doctor or podiatrist. Please talk to you doctor or podiatrist to see if you qualify.

3. Free rides: for people with mobility problems and seniors who need transportation to appointments and activities. These may vary but usually it is a van that brings you door-to-door; you need to schedule it - need to make an appointment. Local aging service agencies will be able to give you more information.

4. Low-interest loans for small businesses affected by disaster: any business or non-profit damaged in a disaster, up to $2 million in low-interest, long-term loans. A lot of seniors still work, maybe still own a business; contact the Small Business Administration.

5. Home or car modifications for veterans: veterans with a disability can look into this. This is for a loan or loan guarantee to buy a house or car, or make modifications to an existing house or car. If you have a veteran family member take a look at the Veterans Benefits.

6. Free credit check: open to everyone. Just make sure you go to the federally authorize website to make sure you can take advantage of all 3 of the major reporting companies.

7. Therapy for Alzheimer's patients: for patient's with Alzheimer's or other forms of dementia covered under Medicare Part B. You may be able to get out-patient occupational, speech, and/or physical therapy. Your doctor needs to prescribe therapy and use a Medicare certified therapist. If you have Medicare Part C, Medicare Advantage might help.

8. Burial benefits for veterans: for veteran's approved for eligibility through Veteran's Administration. You get a headstone, grave site and maybe a burial allowance. This is normally in a national or state veteran's cemetery. The VA may help with burial in a private cemetery - just check.

9. Help with household chores: for those over 60 and disabled - you may get home, yard, and moving help. Check with a local service Agency on Aging to get the details. There may be a fee involved.

The Heart of a Caregiver.

The Healthy Living magazine from Sam's Club had an article on 'Heart health and the caregiver'. Caring for anyone, be it a child, spouse, or elderly parents, lets people's heart grow with the time involved, challenges, and responsibility. Not only does their heart grow in love with this caregiving but it also may grow in its experience with emotional and physical stress. So caregivers need to take care of their own hearts.

In this article. according to "The Family Caregivers Alliance", caregivers are more at risk for developing of cardiovascular syndromes such as high blood pressure or heart disease and women who care for spouses are more likely to have high blood pressure, diabetes and high levels of cholesterol. I looked around their site to find some of this information, I could not BUT there is a lot of information here - so it probably is there but just takes awhile to see it. What this site does mention is that caregivers tend to have more clinical depression than others. Plus they take more prescription medication, like for anxiety & depression, than their peers.

You, as a caregiver, need to make sure you are in the best physical shape you can be in. I know I felt stress between taking care of Will and wanting to have time with my other guys and making sure mom was OK and had what she needed. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention website has a variety of topics for women to help them stay healthy. The Sam's Club magazine highlights some of their advice for the folks you take care of:

* Be informed -- learn about your family member's condition and needs. Talk to their doctors/healthcare providers. Check your local housing and health services. That way you can make good decisions.
* Get support -- the Red Cross, local hospitals, or non-profits may have support groups or have classes to stay to be informed.
* Be an advocate -- learn your legal rights. Check the Americans with Disabilities Act & the Family Medical Leave Act. Keep a documented history of medical issues so other family members and any other caregivers know your loved one's needs.
* Be empowering -- celebrate your loved one's accomplishments and milestones. Focus on positive things.

MOST OF ALL:

* Take care of yourself -- be reasonable with your own expectations. Set time for yourself and take breaks. (picture from Caregiver Alliance)

Adult Day Care Facilities.

(picture from 'eldercare' website)

There have been several new adult day care centers in the area. I know a few people who have had their parents attend the programs and they have been pleased and mom and/or dad loved it. I had mentioned it to my mom, figuring once she started feeling better, she could attend one a couple of times a week (we never got to that point). These centers can provide attendees therapies, socialization, activities, exercise, prepared meals. From what I understand, there are social workers there who can assess the adults to see what may be needed and come up with the best plan for them. Many of these centers now will also have programs for those elderly parents who have dementia or Alzheimer's.

You should always go to the facility to visit first; observe the staff, the cleanliness of the rooms, check the bathrooms, ask about their programs. Sometimes there is transportation provided. Ask about nursing care - are there nurses there during the day.

AARP's book "Staying at Home", mentions that you should check with your local agency on aging to check on a facility's licensing. I checked with our local Department of Elderly Affairs and they listed a variety of locations and there were numerous factors to look at. The same site referred to 'Eldercare Locator'. The link will lead you to locator where you put in some information and you find places in your area, hopefully matching your needs. Our local Elderly Affairs website cautions -- while the initial access is free, there may be a charge helping to find a place in your area, so please talk to someone.

Also, check with the facility about fees -- some may be free, some may be based on a sliding scale or full fee. Check to see if Medicaid will help. You have to qualify for Medicaid.

Adult day care services also provide respite for those family caregivers who need a break or let them continue to work.