Realizing the Men are Caregivers too.

(picture from Columbia magazine).

My in-laws have their other children and spouses, as well as Frank (and myself when asked), helping them with daily living needs and taking them to doctor appointments. Frank is also overseeing their finances. This seemed to stand out even more when I came across an article in the Knight of Columbus magazine, Columbia July 2014, titled 'Sandwich Generation'. Author Brian Caulfield writes that he shares the caregiving of his parents with 2 brothers. Being a dad and husband himself as well, he asks how much his efforts helps either family.


Many baby boomers find themselves in the same situation also juggling work demands. One big point he makes, is that this situation is a blessing, although many days it seems like a chore. A blessing when it comes to it being a good place for all involved -

* it keeps us away from all our electronics and mindless diversions we have;
* that we are needed can be a double edged sword: it may boost our self-image and confidence but it keeps us humble as we realize we cannot change the aging process;
* we face dignity of people as our parent struggle with possibly having to ask for help with toileting needs
* our mom still want to take care of others while not being able to take care of herself;
* at home, we see our families stepping in to make the most of us being away.



As Brian writes, "We are weighed down by the struggle and the work and the hope we pit against the stubborn fact of physical decline and death. But we are also saved from our natural presumption of good health. Watching our parents age and weaken keeps us close to our own mortality, and if we are wise, we stay mindful of the four last things: death, judgment, heaven and hell. I was privileged to be present when my dad received the sacrament of anointing and witnessed the real emotional, spiritual and even physical renewal that ensued. When I told my sons of this experience, they were sad that granddad almost died, but they were also drawn more deeply into the faith that reaches beyond the grave".



Caring.com has an article, "The Male Caregiver" by Dave Singleton. Dave writes that it is harder for men especially when it comes to being the caretaker of the parent of the opposite sex. His mom found it hard to get use to him helping with her personal needs but sees it as love helping with her needs and keeping her privacy and dignity as best can. His article also states that " A 2012 analysis by the Pew Research Center's Internet and American Life Project found that men represent 45 percent of all family caregivers. And the Alzheimer's Association reported that between 1996 and 2011, the percentage of men caring for a family member with Alzheimer's disease or other dementia more than doubled, from 19 to 40 percent".



The article cites several reasons for the change: more women are in the workforce so men have to step in, many families have children living out-of-state so if there is a male child close by he becomes the caregiver, more employers are letting their male employees take time off to stay home. Not to overlook is the fact that men have the same health issues to deal with as women, so they need to remember to take care of themselves such as high blood pressure/hypertension, arthritis, and high cholesterol. These are the three most widely experienced physical maladies, while nearly a quarter of respondents suffer from depression. Not to forget financial burdens; Caring.com shows that in the past year 40% of male caregivers spent over $5000.00 on caregiving expenses.



Caring.com goes on to offer 3 tips for the men:



*Educate yourself. Learn as much as you can about the care recipient's diseases and/or disabilities. "Talk to the doctor, a social worker, or a geriatric care manager," says Trina Sauceda, one of the founders of The Let's Group, a website focused on aging and caregiving. "Ask questions of healthcare workers. Discuss issues and find out what works for the care recipient and you. Inquire about outside services that can provide assistance or support."



Share your experiences and get support. Typically, men don't talk about caregiving stress, but not sharing what's really going on is a stress unto itself. "Acknowledge your emotions, because you are not a robot, you are a human being," says Harrison. "Be honest with yourself. You can't do it all. Know that stress, anger, and frustration are common feelings among caregivers. Take care of your health, too." Caregiving is a lonely job for all, but especially so when you look around and don't see members of your tribe. Explore the growing number of support groups for male caregivers.



Lead with and value your strengths. Everyone brings their own abilities to the fore with caregiving and, while skills may be different, they are equally important. If managing finances and creating schedules for doctor appointments and medications comes more easily to you, focus on those and get help, if you can, for other, more daunting aspects of caregiving. "Just because a man is managing Mom's finances instead of giving her a bath doesn't mean he isn't caregiving," says Tucker. "Men have always been nurturers, but not always in the same ways as women. If you're always looking for solutions, then use your typical 'fixer' predisposition to its full advantage and find solutions with professionals."

More interventions and issues to address when dealing with Alzheimer's.

I received my latest copy of 'Healthy Living' from Sams Club. There was an informative article titled "Answering the Challenge of Alzheimer's Disease" by Michele Mongillo. There is so much information out there that it sometimes gets confusing, overwhelming, overloading. This particular article struck me as being informative because it hit upon a few things that I don't remember seeing in other places.

As stated in other articles, we are reminded that Alzheimer's shows itself in behavioral difficulties as well as in medical conditions. Some of the behaviors may be repetitive motions, outbursts, physical aggression and it is best to remember that these actions are not intentional. Also coming into play with this behavior is pain, poor sleep, hunger, thirst, feeling lost or not belonging. Michelle lists a few key interventions for caregivers:



•Always stay calm, talk softly and slowly.
•​Attempt to turn repetitive motions into an activity. If the loved one is repeatedly folding a napkin, provide a small basket of washcloths or clothing items to fold.
•Try to determine if the person is having some type of pain. They may not be able to communicate this to the caregiver.
•Avoid overcrowded situations, increased activity and even multiple people in the home, as they can be overwhelming and confusing for a person with dementia.
•Don’t argue with the loved one; rather, try to validate their feelings and get them engaged in some type of activity.
•Simplify daily tasks. If the person is calmer in the morning, then schedule appointments/errands during those hours.

See the rest of the story on "care 4 elderly parents".

Retired folks helping caregivers at a New York hospital.

(picture from Yahoo News)
A hospital in New York has started training retirees to help support caregivers whose family member is hospitalized. Caregivers can be overwhelmed in any situation but when a loved one is in the hospital and you can't get information or don't know who to turn to for help, it can be too much. So Montefiore Caregiver Support Center trains retirees to listen, show support, show family members where to get information, etc. They are not there to take the place of a social worker or nurse. They are there for support - even if it is only to find a quiet place for the caregiver to sit. All in all, the program wants caregivers to be better prepared for when the loved one goes home as well as better rested and reassured in their resources. In this program they are called volunteer coaches who "with no background in health care undergo training to support caregivers in hopes that families will let their guard down with a peer. They make daily rounds through Montefiore's waiting rooms and nursing stations to offer the services of the support center, where families can talk with a coach or a social worker, research caregiver resources online, or just relax in a quiet room. Montefiore put its 21 volunteers through a training course that stresses those boundaries, teaches nonjudgmental listening and lets them role-play difficult situations. The support services don't expire when the patient goes home (from Randi Kaplan, social worker). Caregivers still can call or come in indefinitely, but there are no home visits." While the article states that there are no statistics to see if this helps, they are working on an 'pilot study' on whether chemo patients stick better to their program when their caregiver is coached in providing support. All in all, a good program for any medical center as far as I am concerned.

Having a talk with the parents about them getting older.

The second Weekday Mixer was a great success! We had 62 blogs linked up and numerous social media link-ups! We hope that you all had the opportunity to mix and mingle and make some awesome new buddies!

 

Welcome the 3rd week of The Weekday Mixer Social Media Link-Up! As you know, it is a brand new social media link-up for all to join! This mixer is all about networking and making connections. Also, you can gain exposure and increase your social media following! Link up your social media accounts and mix it up with some of the other linkers.




Each week, the Weekday Mixer will start on Sunday nights at 8:00pm and go on until Friday night at 11:59pm. One linker will be chosen each week and featured in the following week's link-up! If chosen, you can provide a brief summary about yourself and your blog/website and all of your social media accounts will be listed. It's a great way to stand out among the crowd!

Now meet this week's featured blogger...

 

 

Welcome to my blog!

"ShuGar" is a nickname my hubs and I use, which combines the first three letters of our last names. It's pronounced "sugar", but spelled S-H-U-G-A-R. We officially began using our nickname for our Beatles-inspired wedding with the theme "All You Need is ShuGar Love."




I am a writer at my core. I've been writing on and off since I was a little one. When I decided to create my blog, I was thinking about what has inspired me to finally make my writing public. I immediately thought of Mr. ShuGar's love and our marriage. Because of his support, I felt the confidence to write from my heart. Therefore, I decided to use similar colors, fonts, and theme from our wedding for my blog.




I blog about the Heart and all there is to Love. My blog is a snapshot of my heart, inspired by the "ShuGar Love" in my life. It explores my love for art, photography, The Beatles, traveling, indie films, dance, books, food, LA, fashion, family, marriage, baby and, most importantly, love. I invite all to share in the love.




Now, a glimpse into my ShuGar heart:




Turquoise rocks my world. Art is my passion. In another life, I was born as Lizzy Bennet and Mr. ShuGar was my Mr. Darcy. I heart LA. I'm an indie film nerd. Fashion & writing feed my soul. Our entire love story can be told through Beatles songs. Mr. ShuGar and our ShuGar Baby are my sunshine. Love is all. Love is you.




Blog Features:

• ShuGar Fix Mondays is a weekly fashion, decor, and beauty inspiration series because Mondays deserve an extra dose of pretty. For more ShuGar Fix Mondays, click here!
• Mommy’s Corner is a weekly series every Wednesday exploring our journey in becoming parents, our love for our ShuGar baby, and general topics related to mommyhood.
• {Recently launched!} The All You Need is Love Project is a movement to inspire more love on this planet. The more we come together, the more love we can share. Every Thursday, join the revolution here! Thursday's All You Need is Love Project is a day dedicated to writing about love, posting pictures about love on social media, and sharing with others my heart in person and online. Other bloggers link up and participate in the love movement.
• A Week in the Life is a photo inspiration series on Fridays to document every day moments in my ShuGar life.
• Other fun ShuGar Love posts include: indie film reviews, book reviews, exploring my love for my L.A. city, and, of course, Beatles love.

 

Now meet your hosts and guest hosts!

Interested in co-hosting the Weekday Mixer? 

Fill out this form and Natasha will be in touch with more information.

Now, let's get started...

Please feel free to share our blog button on your sidebar.

<div align="center"><a href="http://epicmommyadventures.com" title="Epic Mommy Adventures" target="_blank"><img src="http://i1248.photobucket.com/albums/hh493/cruzanchica/WeekdayMixer2200px_zps2f25b12e.png" alt="Epic Mommy Adventures" style="border:none;" /></a></div>

 

An InLinkz Link-up

Never Miss Another Weekday Mixer...sign up for reminders here!

"A Place for Mom" sent an update on having the 'tough talk' with the folks. If you already started, or have done it, you know it can be touchy, emotional, maybe even argumentative; some elderly parents might be ready for it and will sit down and plan.

We just went through the time of year there was more family members around who can attest to the older folks condition - maybe they haven't seen them in awhile, maybe they can help with starting the conversation. Let's face it -- no one wants to be reminded they are getting older, or are not in the same condition they were in a few years ago. But in this case, sometimes it's not all about exercise and eating better. We all need to look long-term at daily care, transportation, medicines, legal - like Power of Attorney, even end-of-life issues if necessary.

Tough topics but the website has offered '6 practical tips' for families on how to start this kind of talk that may help. The following is taken directly from their article "Before It's Too Late: How to Have the Tough Conversation with Your Aging Parents".


1. Be Open
Be candid and open when you speak with your loved one. Explain your concerns specifically and clearly without unnecessary euphemisms or dancing around the issues. Share your own feelings. Use “I” statements, and remind your older loved one that your concerns come from love.

2. Follow the Golden Rule
Imagine the roles are reversed and that you are the elderly person. How would you want your loved ones to address you about their concerns?

3. Remind Your Loved One That You’re Here to Support Them
Try not to let your parent feel threatened, or see you as an adversary in the interaction. Reassure them that you will be with them through thick and thin, and that you have their best interest at heart before anything else.

4. Allow Your Loved One to Feel in Control
A sense of a loss of independence and autonomy is one of the biggest causes of distress in these situations. Make it clear to your loved one that the purpose of this conversation is to clarify their wishes about the future, not to force some already made decision on them.

5. Tell Your Loved One about Your Own Needs and Limitations
Some older parents may expect one of their children, perhaps you, to take care of them in their old age, regardless of circumstances. Let your parent know now if this isn’t a realistic expectation because of your own needs or obligations.

6. Leave the Conversation with an Action Point
It’s easy for conversations such as these to become mired in abstractions or vague promises to talk about it later. Make it a goal to come away with some clear takeaways in terms of your parents’ wishes and expectations.

According to a 2012 survey from the National Family Caregivers Association and Care Improvement Plus: (from ElderCarelink)

* 66 percent of those surveyed have provided care to a loved one for five or more years.
• 70 percent serve as the primary or sole caregiver
• Nearly 75 percent help their loved one with care coordination and instrumental activities of daily living


The caregiver role continues to expand

The survey results show that the role of unpaid caregiver continues to get more complex.

• 71 percent help their loved one to manage their finances
• 74 percent provide both physical and nutritional support to their loved one
• 79 provide transportation support
• 73 percent coordinate care for their loved one

Sometimes other people they know have had this type of conversation -- if you know the conversation went well, remind them of this (be careful if it didn't). If you have a good rapport with any of their doctors, they may be able to help smooth the way; they may be able to convince the folks that it is a good idea to have you present during their medical visits. If you follow "Help in Remembering Health Information", another post of mine that tells of what I did when I went to my mom's doctor's with her, it may help convince them that it is a good thing to have you around.

My in-laws are a good example of those fighting 'help'. They are 92 and 91 still living in their own home together but are slowing down and could use help. But they will not always share information, want to go to doctors alone, still want to drive themselves, still go up and down stairs. We've tried to convince them to get 'Lifeline', the button you wear to call for help if something happens -- nope. They would rather call one of their adult children first, then call 911. When really sick, they have allowed one of the daughter-in-laws to accompany them to their different visits or to the ER. Not all of their children are on their doctor lists, meaning not every adult child can call for information if concerned - the siblings have to go through the only one on the list, they can't talk to the pharmacist. I have tried talking to them, and my husband's sibling, since they saw what I went through with my parents hoping that could help and why it's important for everyone to be on the same page. They do what they want.

Try to talk and have it down on paper for everyone to follow, from ALL the doctors and their phone numbers, where their medical information is (like their medical insurance card or policy) to the pharmacy, to where the paperwork is (Power of Attorney, Living Will, funeral directives, etc.).
For more information see 'care 4 elderly parents'.

Feeling like the walls are caving in? Need help with remembering?

The holidays are here, again. So on top of a caregivers regular 'to do' list, comes the errands of buying gifts, writing cards, going to school plays or musicals, decorating the house or houses, etc., to name a few things. Most people automatically assume when you talk about memory issues, you are referring to an elderly parent or family member. Any caregiver worth their salt, will say it is not so. It is a pretty good assumption that the brain will get fried to a certain extent during this time of year. Some families have helpful other family member and friends; some families have to go it on their own.

According to AARP, there are memory boosters. Not only are they good for the older member of the family, but will be good for those caregivers who may be 'sandwiched'.
Check out these 8 memory boosters from the site: 1 - lift weights - In one study of 65- to 75-year olds with normal cognitive function, women who exercised for an hour once or twice a week, using dumbbells, weight machines and other calisthenic exercises significantly improved their long-term mental focus and decision-making. The control group — which did not see the same brain benefits — did "balance and toning exercises" including stretching, range-of-motion. Another study, of 70- to 80-year olds with mild cognitive impairment, showed cognitive improvemet among women who did either resistance training or aerobic exercises. Men weren't included in that study, but other research involving both genders finds that strength training helps preserve or improve memory.
2 - laugh - A hearty laugh provides short but similar benefits of aerobic exercise for improved heart (and brain) health and immunity. Other benefits: Laughter elevates the production of neurotransmitters linked to improved memory and alertness while decreasing stress hormones that can cloud thinking. And when listening to jokes, as you wrestle to understand the punch line, areas of the brain that are vital to learning, creativity and decision-making activate, much as they do when working out

"brainteaser" crossword puzzles and Sudoku.
3 - take a nap - In addition to improved daytime alertness, good sleep — night after night — helps keep memory and learning well-tuned. But even with Rip Van Winkle-like nocturnal habits (and certainly without), consider a regular afternoon nap for about 90 minutes. It costs nothing but time — and the payback, according to studies, could be significant. Compared to non-nappers, those who partake in daytime zzz's display measurable improvements in tests gauging decision-making, problem-solving, creativity and even tasks like recalling directions.
4 - meditate - Studies find that daily meditation can strengthen connections between brain cells, increase growth in the part of the brain that controls memory and language, and may even bolster the ability to process information and make decisions more quickly. There are various forms of meditation, but most involve spending 15–60 minutes — best if done at least once a day — of focused attention on a word, object, sound or even your own breathing.
5 - rate your plate - Grains like oatmeal, brown rice, barley and quinoa supply energy to the brain, which may boost learning. Nuts and seeds — including low-cost peanuts, sunflower seeds and flax — are loaded with vitamin E, which helps combat cognitive decline as you age. Blueberries, cherries, raspberries and red grapes contain antioxidants to feed brain areas responsible for memory and learning (apples, bananas and oranges are also good). Spinach, tomatoes, onions and asparagus are vegetable standouts. And while salmon remains supreme, less expensive fish — also rich in omega-3 fatty acids — include tuna, sardines, anchovies and mullet.
6 - step lively - Just walking briskly — no equipment necessary — cuts your lifetime risk of Alzheimer's disease by half. So does most anything else (including money-saving DIY gardening and housecleaning) that gets your heart pumping for at least 150 minutes per week, ideally for 30 minutes or longer per session. Why? Boosting heart rate improves blood flow to areas of the brain involved with memory, learning and decision-making. Hint: Studies find a walk in the park boosts energy, focus and well-being more than indoor exercise.
7 - socialize - Take a free class at the local library. Volunteer. Make use of Facebook. Or just hang out with friends. Any of these no-cost activities reduces the risk of dementia and slows or prevents cognitive decline. Theory: Social engagement means mental engagement — talking or just being around others requires focus and attention to details (while combating loneliness, itself a risk for dementia), and some research suggests even brief but regular social engagement bolsters memory, self-awareness and the ability to not be easily distracted.
8 - brush & floss - For just pennies a day, good oral hygiene can help prevent gingivitis and gum disease. Most people know that inflammation in your mouth has been linked to heart disease; what's less well-known is that gingivitis has also been linked to several cognitive problems, including declines in memory and verbal and math skills. More serious gum disease boosts the risk of memory problems as much as threefold (plus factors into stroke, diabetes and heart disease).

Also some quick mental workouts:
1) Play a brain game

2) Don't retire
3) Make musice
4) Pay attention
5) Do a jigsaw puzzle
6) Go back to school
7) Take a tech brake
8) Get a library card

Similar information is offered by Fox News from a study that was done in 2002 - 2003. It was recently published in the British Journal of Medicine acknowledging that physical activity not only helps cognitively but a seniors physical well-being, to boost healthy aging. Thank you + Caring for Aging Parents and their post from Securus GPS on Nov 26, 2013 for mentioning this Fox News article.

Competitors Joining Forces for the Patient's Needs.

Reading the lastest issue of RI Small Business Journal, I found an article about a firm called 'Capital Home Care Network Inc' (CHCN) started in 1996 by 3 entrepreneurs who are also competitors with similar services and businesses they own. They realize that there is a group of residents, 18 years and older, that falls through the cracks with minimal or no support with unforseen health issues and decided it would be in everyone's interest for them to band together. These 3 people also want to make sure the public knows their healthcare options making sure they know they have a voice in what provider they choose.
The network is comprised of: Medicare Certified Home Health Agency; licensed Home Care providers; a provider of Private Duty Nursing; an intermediary for Emergency Response Systems. Skill sets offered: skilled nursing; certified nursing assistants in the home; progressive rehabilitation services, specialty wound management, Occupational & Speech therapy, medical Social Work, emergency response.
The article states that the service CHCN provides will help communication between multiple providers for different services. If a patient has a healthcare provider they prefer, the company will offer another service needed and the patient can keep who they like.
Capital will review a patient's Medicare, Medicaid, and whatever other plan they have. CHCN wants to do what they can to avoid rehospitalization. "Their company looks beyond the immediate issue and into the patient's future to create a comprehensive plan for the long term. They have developed a superior process to take care of chronic patient's at home who need care, but cannot afford it or cannot manage it themselves. Our ability to provide care across insurance lines is an incredible asset that allows us the service capacity to meet patients needs."
It also states that Capital has strong relationships with hospitals, sub-acutes (skilled nursing facilities with rehab units), physician practices, community resources, to name a few. As one of the developers says, "Capital works with you, your doctor, and caregivers to obtain care and maximize your wellness". Priority #1 is the patient. They must be doing something right since the company has grown 182% over the past 8 years. Congratulations!!!

Home page for CHCN click here.
Care model click here.
Charter and mission statement click here.

Practical Tips from Caregivers.

I was looking for something on Caring.com and came across some tips offered by caregivers for caregivers. They are wonderful ideas that are easy to put to use, practical, and will not make the elderly parent or family member feel awkward. They are...

(picture from Caring.com)

Parkinson' Nighttime Safety: "My mom has Parkinson's and lives with me, but I still worry about her getting up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom. So I bought one of those push lights that stick to the wall for her room. Then I cleared out a space in her closet and put a potty chair in there. At night, I bring the chair out and set it by her bed. She likes that she doesn't have to walk far from bed, and I get a better night's sleep." -- Kate, from Alabama City, Alabama

Keeping Up With Dad: “Dad tends to wander off into parts of the house or yard without telling me, so I bought a carabiner clip and put some old keys that I don’t use any more on it. It’s like a cat’s bell that I can hear (but it isn’t insulting), and even though he no longer drives I think he likes having keys. He even wears them now when we go to the store. I can hear him three aisles over.”
-- Thomas, from Castle Rock, Colorado

Lullabies for Mom: "Mom needs to go to bed earlier than I do, but she doesn’t want to stay back in her room alone. I moved an old alarm clock that has a CD player in it into her bedroom and bought some music she likes -- Doris Day and Rosemary Clooney. Now I hear her singing herself to sleep." -- Janie, from Port Joe, Florida

A Collection of Scarves: "Mom’s hair is really thinning, and she’s quite self-conscious about it. She doesn’t want to wear a wig or a hat, but she has taken to scarves and has just a little bit of her hair fluffed out the front. We’ve started collecting them wherever we go: antique stores, nearby small towns. Now she’s known as the scarf lady, and people give her scarves as gifts."
-- Kathleen, from Augusta, Georgia

Read more here.

Thinking About the Future.

I received an email with a post from BrightStar about making sure that everyone, from senior citizens to those with disabilities be allowed to live with dignity and independence in a supportive community. For those in Texas, their agency offers services for senior citizens, those with disabilities, and family caregivers to help people stay in their own homes longer. Contact them directly. Please check with your local social service agencies for possible options for you and your family in your area.

This started me thinking, again (my kids would say 'so that's what that smell is'), what will happen when we get too old to take care of Will?? We have thought of guardianship, the type that will authorize someone to take him in and provide the help he needs. We just haven't thought of anyone we would like to ask yet. Our other 2 boys, we can only hope, will step in but you never know where they will be, if they will have a career that will keep them travelling or moving, if they will have a spouse, who may not be comfortable taking in a special needs person (especially a male who may need personal hygiene help). Some groups homes are very good, others have not been the best for people so you hear through the news or grapevine of families. Kidding we ask our boys about taking care of us in our old age. The response?? We'll find a nice nursing home for you. So again, kidding, I mention to people -- how about an assisted living type of place that will take elderly parents with a special needs son or daughter?? There could be a suite type of 'apartment', in another wing of the community, which would allow parents to continue to live with their son or daughter AND get the help everyone may need!! Respite care is right on the premises, so the parents could get some time off. There could be activities just for the special needs group so they will not disrupt the elderly folks who may not be understanding of the noises or gestures or activities of the son/daughter. Also this way, should one of them need a nursing home placement, hopefully they can stay right in the community, so everyone can visit - constant family contact can be good for all. The displacement that the special needs person finds or feels when a parent 'moves out', will be minimal - they will just be in another room in another building.

I don't know if something like that would work, but it does seem to settle some problems. How this may work financially, not sure. Private pay or will Medicare or Medicaid be able to help. It seems to me, one bill for one placement, for similar services by people already there, would be a great deal. This way too, the family would know that the son or daughter would be taken care of when the parents pass away. Anyone out there think the same?? Anyone familiar with this system want to discuss this further with me??

Always Looking for Advice for Caregivers.

Pictures of Will's confirmation. Mimi & Papa and Vovo (grandmother in Portuguese). Taken Spring 2012.

Talking to people who are taking care of a loved one, whether it is an elderly parent or special needs child, stress always comes into the conversation. We don't want to admit it, it feels like you are a weak person, like you can't do what those who have not done it, might consider like a job. "Just schedule it, just better your use of time management, just let one other thing go -your kids can wait." Raise your hand - how many have heard something like this. BrightStar Care of Southwest Houston, from Caregiver Junction had a post regarding 'what do family caregivers really need?'. Besides the outward tired look, caregiving can also lead to other health issues: infectious diseases, depression, sleep deprivation, premature aging, and higher mortality rate.

What does BrightStar say about it? Cognitive incapacity does have an important indirect effect through its influence on disruptive behavior and social functioning. It is important to find ways to deal with the disruptive behavior and declining social function. There are many ways to approach both of these, including day care centers for dementia patients and behavioral analysis of the disruptive behavior. Asking for help isn’t easy but these issues are difficult to handle alone.

Get help from the community resources available to you, seek out and accept respite care, learn new skills and acquire the tools you need to succeed.

Don’t see yourself as an island. A different study that showed that caregivers need more than just social support. It is critical to your health that you receive education, counseling, and/or direct services. It is important that you experience peer support and share the stressful but also rewarding experience of caregiving. However, we also need to acquire new tools to help us deal with new situations, we also need to invest in stress relief.

*** As you consider your journey as a caregiver don’t make your loved one your total focus. This is easier said than done but if you are going to finish your journey as a whole, healthy person it is important you keep part of your attention on your own needs.


Can't say it enough - use local resources: friends, senior centers, social service agencies, religious leaders. Ask for someone to take over for a time, look for respite care, day care centers. Don't feel like you have to do it all yourself.

Caregivers May Want to See if These Can Help With Shoes.

I saw these in an email from Caring.com. It was an article about whether caregivers liked these elastic shoelaces, called Locklaces. I have not seen these in person but seem to be a great idea. We have all seen this type of closure before but now to put them on shoes, is a great idea, seemingly perfect for those who have issues with finger dexterity and strength,and balance problems if you have to bend over for a period of time.

What caregivers liked about them???
1.
They maintain tightness.
"I used to tie my shoes with the traditional method, even using the rabbit ears technique if the situation called for it. No longer! Lock Laces are extremely easy to use on any pair of shoes," says Abel. "It easily tightens and loosens at the simple push of a button. I even worked out for a few hours and they maintained the same tightness the whole time! I enjoy not having to tie my shoes again and again."

2.
The pull-and-lock mechanism is easy.
"The pull-and-lock mechanism provides ease of synching up and tightening shoes, as well as releasing the lace for easy of removal of shoes," says Fred. "The Lock Laces also help a person quickly put on shoes and remove them, saving time and effort."

3.
They turn any shoe into a slip-on.
"They sort of turn tie shoes into slip-ons," says Victoria. "Because the laces are elastic, they stretch as needed. I do not need to worry about falling/tripping, since the laces are secured to the top of the shoe and stay out of the way." "No more fumbling with trying to tie laces and keeping them tied," adds Carlene.

What caregivers did not like about them???
1.
Illustrations on the package aren't clear enough or big enough.
"I had a lot of trouble getting them put in my shoes properly. The instructions were not only confusing to me but I had trouble seeing them. The illustrations were tiny, as was the size of the font used to print the directions," says Carlene. "If I hadn't had my son and daughter-in-law here to help me, I probably would never have gotten them in my shoes."

"Instructions were not very clear," adds Fred. "Would recommend a YouTube video or online link demonstrating how to initially lace, apply locks, and trim to size."

2.
Some seniors may have problems setting them up.
"Snapping the two plastic pieces took a little pressure, which some people may not have in their hands," says Betsy.

The article suggests:

You Should Try Lock Laces if . . .
You (or your loved one) have manual dexterity problems.
You (or your loved one) have issues with your joints and hands.
You're looking for an easy alternative to constantly tying your shoes.
You want an easy way to slip sneakers on and off.

Cost to Caregivers Relative to Dementia Patients.

I found an article on the "A Place for Mom" website describing what it costs caregivers and/or families in monies, caring for those with dementia. They have facts and figures from the Alzheimer's Association from 2012. I found it amazing that 1 in 3 seniors die with some form of dementia. This write-up has so much information that I think it best if I copy it here.

"Alzheimer’s disease and other forms of dementia have a devastating impact not only on the health of older adults, but also on the well-being of caregivers—and on the government programs tasked with shouldering much of the cost burden. In 2013, the total cost of caring for Americans with Alzheimer’s is expected to rise to $203 billion, about two-thirds of which is accounted for by Medicare and Medicaid. And that’s just the monetary cost. The non-fiscal impact on families and caregivers is just as staggering, taking its toll on physical and emotional health. We took an in-depth look at the Alzheimer’s Association’s latest annual report, 2013 Alzheimer’s Disease Facts and Figures, and below is a summary of the major facts everyone should know about the current state of Alzheimer’s and dementia in America.

How Many Americans Have Alzheimer’s Disease?

Alzheimer’s disease is the most common type of dementia, but other conditions such as frontotemporal lobe degeneration and Parkinson’s disease can also cause dementia. In 2013, 5.2 million Americans are estimated to have Alzheimer’s disease, 5 million of whom are aged 65 or older. That adds up to 11 percent of adults 65 and older, and 32 percent of people 85 and older who have the disease. The overall numbers for dementia are more difficult to pinpoint, but the Aging, Demographics, and Memory Study (ADAMS) estimates that 13.9 percent of Americans over age 71 have dementia.

The incidence of Alzheimer’s increases dramatically with age, and the overall numbers are expected to rise due to the large baby boomer population reaching age 65. There are a few complicating factors to these numbers, though. The major problem is that, currently, Alzheimer’s disease is under-diagnosed. As many as half of the 5.2 million people with the disease may not know they have it. However, new criteria for Alzheimer’s diagnosis were adopted in 2011, including criteria for detecting Alzheimer’s in the preclinical stage using biomarker tests and other cutting-edge science.

How Many People Die of Alzheimer’s Disease?

Deaths from other major causes have been decreasing, but deaths from AD are on the rise. Alzheimer’s disease is the 6th leading cause of death in America, and the 5th leading cause of death in seniors age 65 and older. But it’s very hard to pinpoint the exact number of deaths from Alzheimer’s. Currently, the CDC only counts those for whom Alzheimer’s is listed as the primary cause of death. However, if someone with Alzheimer’s dies from an acute condition such as pneumonia or malnutrition—conditions that may be a direct result of Alzheimer’s—they may not be included in the tally of AD deaths.

For instance, in 2010, the most recent year for which data is available, 83,494 people died from Alzheimer’s, but approximately 400,000 people died with Alzheimer’s. Also, having Alzheimer’s dramatically increases the likelihood of death, regardless of the recorded cause: 61 percent of people with AD are expected to die before age 80, compared to 30 percent of those unaffected.

A Portrait of Alzheimer’s Caregivers

80 percent of caregivers for those with Alzheimer’s or dementia are unpaid caregivers, usually family members—that translates to more than 15 million people. 62 percent of those are women, and nearly half are taking care of a parent. Caregivers of people with dementia usually assist more extensively than other types of caregivers, helping with mobility, feeding and toileting as well as dealing with behavioral problems associated with dementia. On average, each caregiver provides 21.9 hours of unpaid care per week, for an estimated economic value of $216.4 billion. Many caregivers suffer from high emotional stress, as well as financial strain, job stress and other difficulties, as a direct result of caregiving.

In this year’s Alzheimer’s Association report, special focus was placed on long-distance caregiving. For caregivers of someone with dementia who was 50 years of age or older, about 15% of those must travel an hour or more to reach the care recipient. About one in five long-distance caregivers is a primary caregiver, helping with the same activities of daily life that local caregivers do. However, long-distance caregivers face more pronounced difficulties with coordinating care, communicating with providers and other family members, and handling care expenses, among other things.

The Cost of Dementia Care in America

The number of seniors with dementia is projected to increase over the coming years, so it’s not much of a surprise that the overall amount spent on care is expected to balloon, too. The aggregate cost of care for people with Alzheimer’s is estimated at $203 billion for 2013; Medicare and Medicaid account for $142 billion (about 70 percent) of that amount, while out-of-pocket expenses account for $34 billion.

Per person, that amounts to an average of $45,657 per year of health care dollars spent on dementia sufferers, compared to $14,452 per year for those without dementia. Dementia’s cost can be even higher if the person is in a residential facility. Scary as those numbers may be, experts estimate the overall spending on people with Alzheimer’s or dementia to rise to $1.2 trillion in 2050. The good news is, with accurate knowledge of the situation regarding dementia in America, government agencies, health care providers, caregivers and families will be better able to plan for a future in which the growing number of people with Alzheimer’s can be quickly diagnosed and treated with all the tools currently at our disposal."

Caregiver's Support Kit.

“There are only four kinds of people in this world. Those who have been caregivers, those who are caregivers, those who will be caregivers, and those who will need caregivers.” Rosalynn Carter, Former First Lady (from the National Caregiving Foundation website)

The mission of the National Caregiving Foundation:

is to meet both the direct and indirect needs resulting from the impact of catastrophic diseases on our society. The mission is accomplished by:
· Disseminating educational information
· Distributing support materials that ease the burden of those affected by the diseases
· Increasing public awareness

This foundation offers a FREE support kit for those people who are now taking on caregiving responsibility. Although the foundation has this kit for those families facing Alzheimer's, this Caregiver's Support Kit is appropriate for any family. All you have to do is call the toll free phone number on their site. There is also another number for returning wounded veterans. It is part of the 'Care for Wounded Soldiers' program.

There is also a long list of 'hot line' phone numbers for a wide variety of organizations that many of us can use. Check it out to see if it can help you find help.

Geriatric Care Manager and When to Use One.

(picture from 'caring.com' website)

One position that I have been coming across a lot lately has been the 'Geriatric Care Manager'. I see it a lot in the websites dedicated to elderly parents and caregivers. 'Caring.com' had an interview with Kaaren Boothroyd who is the executive director of the National Association of Professional Geriatric Care Managers. Their NAPGCM site educates consumers on the role of the GCM and how to find one.


Facts:

The average lifespan in the U.S. is 78.2 years.
On average 10,000 people in the U.S. turn 65 every day.
There are 40 million people – more than 13 percent of the U.S. population – who are 65 years or older.

This role of geriatric care manager came about from the changing family life, where a lot of adult children live away from their parents or have work lives that cut down on the time they can spend taking care of mom and/or dad. Kaaren lists reasons what people should consider before hiring a GCM and what the benefits are to doing this.

What should people consider before hiring a geriatric care manager?

Person has limited or no family support.
**Family has just become involved with helping the individual and needs direction about available services.
**Person has multiple medical or psychological issues.
**Person is unable to live safely in his/her current environment.
**Family is either "burned out" or confused about care solutions.
**Family has limited time and/or expertise in dealing with loved ones' chronic care needs.
**Family is at odds regarding care decisions.
**Person is not pleased with current care providers and requires advocacy.
**Person is confused about his/her own financial and/or legal situation.
**Family needs education and/or direction in dealing with behaviors associated with dementia.

What are the benefits of hiring a geriatric care manager?

Help meet goals of older adult and all involved.
**A care manager's knowledge, education, training, and experience can objectively help set realistic expectations while addressing obstacles that might be present.
**Often families are overwhelmed with the many options presented. A care manager can efficiently streamline decision making.
**As a neutral third party with knowledge of issues of older adults, a care manager can often help resolve conflicts that a more emotionally involved party can't.
**A care manager can often be a cost-effective alternative to families doing it themselves. Knowledge of entitlement programs, the elimination of often hours of research, reduction of time off from work and crisis-based travel can prove to not only provide positive outcomes but save time and valuable financial resources.
**Avoid problems. The proactive nature of care management can help avoid many of the unfortunate problems that face older adults.
**Supervising caregivers, home safety precautions, and safe financial management can be vital parts of a care manager's role.
**Avoid family conflicts. Having a facilitator to assist with difficult decisions can maintain family stability. Difficult decisions including end of life, driving, and relocation can be addressed in a positive manner.

I would suggest that you could probably talk to your parent's doctor or medical professional, or local social service agency and gather information on a GCM in your area and talk with your family to see if you need one. I have read in other posts that there may be a fee involved - whether it is a one time fee or a fee for each consultation, I do not know. Something else to ask.

Lastly, I just found a section on the 'caremanager.com' site that states that:

Care managers can often help parents who are concerned about a young adult or middle-aged adult child with disabilities. These care managers have experience and credentials to work with all ages. The care manager conducts a comprehensive assessment and helps the family plan for the current and future needs of their adult child.

Helping with:

**Physical Disabilities
**Developmental Disabilities, (e.g. Intellectual Disabilities /formerly called Mental Retardation, Down’s Syndrome, Autism, or Asperger’s Syndrome)
**Brain Injury
**Mental Health Problems
**Chronic or Serious Illnesses of any type